On a recent outing of the Breaking News Team to a local festival - I nearly went blind. After surveying the crowd, I decided we must live in a locale that is experiencing a severe shortage of mirrors. Although, not as life-as-we-know-it threatening as the dwindling water supply of metro-Atlanta, alarming nonetheless.
How could we have let this happen?!
Thank heavens I was wearing the biggest, darkest sunglasses my nose will support - otherwise I'm sure I would be writing this from the comforts of a hospital room with two black eyes and bruised ribs. What can I say? If ogling poor fashion choices were a sport, I would be Olympic.
Back to our special report...size denial is reaching epidemic proportions.
Little Bags for Big Girls
In college, hippie girls wore them across their person to carry their well, patchouli oil and other sundry hippie girl supplies. You're an adult now and your little, itty, bitty handmade bag from Ecuador ain't cutting it. Additionally, the tiny shoulder bag stuffed to the gills with everything from an arsenal of lady products and your school coupon book needs to be retired. I know, I know..."But, everything fits in there..."
The bigger the bag, the smaller you look. So, size up.*
*Note: This of course does not apply to small, sleek and chic evening and envelope bags. So don't go sending any crazy comments about how you can't always carry a bag the size of a toddler. I know this - I just practice it in moderation.
The Seduction of the Smaller Size
My friend Catherine has fallen prey to this throughout her adult life. Regardless of how the garment fits - she will buy a size 4 because she cannot bear the idea of sizing up. Sadly, I have seen her split two pairs of pants and had the great misfortune of literally cutting her out of a Lilly skort. According to her it had a faulty zipper. Ummm...yeah.
Even though the smaller size fits, it doesn't mean its the right size. At the end of the day it is just a number. Jackie O wore everything one size bigger. For good reason.
Good gracious is the greatest of myths! It seems that the 20 and under crowd are especially susceptible to the dread muffin top. Sure, those low slung jeans elongate your torso - but their restrictive sizing are also causing your flesh to spill over the belt loops.
For one- you cannot be comfortable! I want to unbutton my pants just looking at you. And sadly, you've paired your mis-sized denim with a form fitting t-shirt. Sweet. Baby. Jesus. What did we ever do to you?? Have you never heard of a babydoll top? Find one. Stat. At the very least...
One last thought on denim -if you think your bottom looks smaller without pockets - you are KIDDING yourself. Step away from pocket-less pants. PUH-lease.
This has been a special report - LIVE from my Perch of Perfection in the Breaking Newsroom.
We now return to your regularly scheduled program.
Mrs. News Readin'
10 hours ago