Thursday, May 28, 2009

Hair Today. Gone Tomorrow.

Last week during the Breaking News Team's (damn near) daily trip to Fresh Market, we were dealt an incredible blow.

The News Readin' Husband having just left the comfortable, herb-y smelling confines of the Aveda Salon, was perfectly coiffed but looking a little glum. Usually his post-snip self preens around and says things like, "My girl said that I should let it grow a little up top for texture." read right, "his girl."

After milling about the prepared food section disinterested in even macaroni and cheese, he finally offered up:

"Nicole might be leaving."

Quickly I ran through mental images of reporters or producers at his station. But, then I remembered - he cares little for his co-workers. No, dear reader, this was much worse.

"Her husband just got his MBA and can't find a job - so, they might leave City K."

Gasp. His girl aka hair stylist could be vacating her station at the salon - leaving our favorite news reader without someone to tame his locks.

Having just cemented his relationship with Nicole with his 12th visit, I knew this would take some consoling. After all - it was just over six months ago that he had to experience the dread "cut and run" from his stalker/ex-hair stylist.

Me: "Maybe you could start seeing my girl." (I know...but it's language he can relate to...not a time to get technical with hair stylist or actually use her name.)

Mr. NR: *Big sigh* "I guess, but Nicole knows exactly how to cut my hair. I just don't feel like starting over."

The Inside Voice: I hear ya' buddy and so do millions of American women who are dating mediocre men - but sometimes we just need to move on...

Mr. NR: "And besides your girl isn't a Master Stylist. I saw the list."

Me: "Is that why your haircut costs just $10 less than mine?!"

Mr. NR: "You get what you pay for..."


I've said it once - and I'll say it again...sometimes it's tough being married to a man who would look better in my Old Navy lounge pants, knows what concealer is, garners more interest from inmates than I do, and now added to that list...uses the term Master Stylist and references some secret list shared with him by the girls at the salon check-in desk. Seriously.

Stay tuned for more on this late breaking story.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Talking Dirty...

Laundry - that is...

(It's Monday morning. Did you really think I would be going there this early in the week? Clean it up, gang.)

Having two active men in the News Readin' household has left me with lots of dirty boy, gym laundry. Ick. Other than burning the multitudes of mesh shorts, there seems to be no detergent that gets them really clean.

Enter, Win Detergent.

The official detergent of the US Olympics Team? Say no more.

Have to say, I've been pretty impressed with the results.

Yours in Achieving Laundry Gold Medal Glory,

Mrs. News Readin'

Stay Tuned. More at 11.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Chef's Choice

I'm thinking about this for a chef friend's kitchen shower...

Index Chopping Boards - Damian Evans, 2007

The chopping boards are designed to avoid cross-contamination of food types: red/raw meat, white/cooked foods, blue/fish, green/vegetables. Stored in a sleek filing unit.

It's too cool for my counter top, but will work for hers...

Sous chef to chop and dice - not included. Bummer.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

DIY Segment: It's 11:00 pm - do you know where your husband is...?

I'll tell you where mine wasn't tonight...home. Fixing stuff.

At 11:00 pm on a Wednesday, my husband was on a play date over at his friend, Clint the Bachelor's house. Clint recently bought a ping pong table and set it up in what should be his formal dining room. Good for him. Of course - Mr. News Readin' is totally envious of this quote "killer" set-up. So, he's spent the evening over there soaking up as much as beer drinking and ping pong he can manage on a school night.

Normally, I could care less about him drinking beer with his buddies. Not today.

Today I arrived home to find the top of our toilet tank in the middle of the bathroom floor, surrounded by our good towels. I'm no plumber - but this did not look like a good thing.

He told me that this morning he had been fiddling with something and a geyser of toilet water starting spraying everywhere. According to my brother - it's a quick fix with a $20 kit from Lowe's. Great!

So explain to me, oh love of my life, why your little self was pretending to be the Jan-Ove Waldner (Swedish Ping Pong Champion) of City K instead of fixing our toilet?

His response:
"I'm just going to call our guy tomorrow."

Let's get one thing straight dear - he is your guy. You helped pay for his pontoon boat. Your guy.
This go round - if he starts talking about the house he's building in Aspen, I will freak out. On the both of you. Consider yourself warned.

Yours with fingers crossed but absolutely no faith in having a working toilet by the weekend,
Mrs. News Readin'

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Friday, May 8, 2009

A Mother's Day What Not to Gift Guide

Mr. News Readin's lovely mother has a birthday that seems to squarely land on Mother's Day bi-annually. This year she is turning 60.

Guess who didn't figure this out until Tuesday night, while on the phone with his baby sister, our Wedding Belle? Their gift of choice: fruit of the month from Harry & David.

Seriously, gang? You still throw your dirty laundry down her laundry chute while home for the holidays...and she washes and folds it within minutes.

Fruit of the month?! Come on. That's what I sent our pet-sitter, Peggy, last year for Christmas.

So, our dynamic brother/sister duo went looking in a different direction.

The text read:
"I think we are going to get mom a schnoodle. What do you think?"

First I thought - you're getting your mother a German pastry? After a brief tour on the interwebs, I found out that schnoodles are poodle/schnauzer mixes. And super cute. See below.

I quickly responded to the text:
"That's a sh*t idea. She just barely unloaded you two."

Last night I overheard him ordering the monthly Tower o' Fruit.

Me: "You went with the fruit."
Mr. NR: "Well, I'm going to tell her we were going to get her a dog."

Nice strategy. Let her know it could have been much worse.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Magic Words: Discount Designer Duds

Say it with me. Discount Designer.

Oh, do you see the skyrockets...similar to when Bobby Brady was kissed by Millicent on the Brady Bunch...

That's how I feel about

Hefty price tags abound. Make no mistake. But there are some really good deals in the mix.

Anna Sui Beaded Chevron Dress - Retail: $375 Outnet: $178.50

Kenneth Jay Lane Swarovski Crystal Cuff - Retail: $150 Outnet: $60

Tibi Velodromo Shift Dress - Retail: $355 Outnet: $177.50

Registered members can also opt-in for their 24 hour pop-up sales. The next one is a Bottega Veneta shoulder bag starting on May 29 at 11:00 am EDT.

Don't get me wrong - there is plenty of room in life's shopping cart for Tarjay and Forever21. These days, we (yes, LBM the dread pronoun) find ourselves thinking twice before swiping the card - no matter what the purchase.

So instead of buying the cheapy stuff that will be ditched after one season, shouldn't we invest in quality clothing, accessories and shoes. Sadly - I think my closet is worth more than my 401K these days. With me?

At least that's what I claim to Mr. News Readin' when boxes and bags appear and marriage math - rounding total of all purchases down - is quickly applied.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Edited to add: My bestie informed me that this came off a bit errr...out of touch. Lord knows there is plenty of Old Navy in this closet. And I am not afraid of a consignment shop. Bottom line - I'd rather have two really wonderful cashmere sweaters that I wear to shreds - than 10 that won't last me three seasons. Discount websites help the cause.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Assigned Reading

Do you have a book that you could read a thousand times over?

Most avid readers have one or two that every few years they will dust off and read through once more to recall why it meant so much in the first place.

For me they are Persuasion by Jane Austen, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald and D.V. by Diana Vreeland. As you can see my literally tastes run slightly shallow and vanilla - most were forced to read Persuasion and Gatsby in high school or college. Sorry.

Truth be told - if I could find my copy of Danielle Steel's Wanderlust, I would add that to this already impressive list.

But, if you haven't read D.V. - I highly recommend the sparkling autobiography. It's chocked-full of witty stories from the former fashion editor of Harper's Bazaar and editor-in-chief of Vogue. If only life were just that fabulous. Sigh.

So - what about you? What old friend do you turn the pages of time and again?
I'm always looking for new reads - especially during a slow news day...

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Late Breaking Story

Today I was feeling sweeter than normal and decided to give the News Readin' Husband a call during lunch to see what he was working on for our evening enjoyment.

Our conversation went a little something like this...

Me: Hey, what's the story of the day?

Mr. NR: Oh, just sitting at some health department press conference talking about swine flu. Did you know that pigs pass the flu virus - just like humans? Interesting.

Me: Did you ask if you can catch anything else from the little buggers? Or any other livestock for that matter? I mean, seriously. We need to know.

Mr. NR: (snidely) No, I did not ask if we can catch things from other livestock. I also didn't ask how fast a cheetah really runs. It was a press conference about swine flu.

Me: Whatever. Hmph.

And, scene.

Well, that's the last time I try to help him create the next media frenzy.

Off to figure out why we can't just call it pig flu,

Mrs. News Readin'

The Other May 5th Celebration

While you may be off swilling tequila to kill any traces of the swine flu and eating enough Mexican food to claim you actually have it - all in honor of Mexican Independence, of course...

The Breaking News Team is celebrating the other May 5th holiday.

It is our favorite news reader (aside from the husband) - Brian Williams' birthday. B-Dub, as he is affectionately called around the Breaking Newsroom, turns a crowd-pleasing 50 years old today.

I don't know if it's the new self-tanner or the never-repeated Carlo Franco seven fold ties, but our fair Brian is looking particularly handsome as of late.

We do love a news reader that doesn't take himself too seriously and is as comfortable on a late night talk show as he is scanning the ole' teleprompter Monday through Friday. And we would be remiss to not compliment his wit and comedic timing. (Did you catch his 30 Rock moment? In a word - brilliant.)

See?! He even gets along with those that mock him professionally. What a guy.

In honor of this auspicious occasion we will dining on a meal complete with all of B-Dub's favorite epicurean delights accessible in City K - from Cracker Barrel and Cinnabon. Sadly Le Cirque has yet to franchise in this neck of the woods, as hell has not frozen over.

So, cheers to Brian! One day older...and closer to vacating that highly coveted anchor chair.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Planning Genius

Welcome to another episode of Why the hell didn't I think of that?

It is time to eighty-six the sign-up sheet. Whether you are planning a volunteer effort, class helper schedule or in my case - a bachelorette party - it can all be accomplished on this one site:

Are you using this site? It's really genius! What I have found so helpful is you can provide a variety of dates for participants and they can check the dates and times that work for them - so that (you) festivity organizer can determine the best date.

No more multiple rounds of reply-all emails because, "that weekend doesn't work for me..."

It's like Evite's super organized, more detailed cousin. And who doesn't like that?

All of a sudden helping out is a little less daunting...

Happy planning,

Mrs. News Readin'

Stay tuned. Up next - America's Epidemic: Size Denial.