Law and Order: Special News Reader Unit

Driving is not in my wheelhouse. Quoting the movie Heathers, being seated next to the most emotionally unstable person on any plane and making crêpes - on the other hand - are all me.

An illustration: it took three tries to pass my road test. From 1999-2003, I can count on two hands how many times I operated a motor vehicle. These stats did not exactly inspire confidence in the News Readin' Husband upon marriage and the addition of moi to his car insurance policy.

Recently, he seemed slightly perturbed when I reported being inconvenienced one morning in early February, while driving through a school zone by an officer of the law. By inconvenienced, I mean stopped for doing 50 mph in a 25 mph zone. Oops. You would think he would be numb to such moments after five + years of marriage.

To add to my not so bright and shiny morning, I couldn't locate my most current insurance card. If only he had stopped me prior to October 2008...Dammit.

Guess who missed her court date and has yet to pay her ticket? I know - my brilliance and incredible sense of responsibility are overwhelming. Mr. NR is not pleased. At all.

Yesterday I contacted the City K traffic court to discuss my errr...dilemma and had the pleasure of reaching Terry, who is four months away from retirement, a stickler for the law and lucky for me - a fan of a certain New Readin' Husband. Yahtzee.

Or so I thought.


Me: I'm calling in regards to ticket number 1234XYZ

Terry: Ohhh...let's see what we have here...speeding in a school zone and no proof of insurance. And you missed your court appearance! Tsk, tsk.

Me: Yes, well, sorry about all that. Could I just mail my payment to the court?

Terry: Miss News Readin' - is it? We'll be sending a patrol car for you shortly.

Me: (insert the sound of crickets and shallow breathing)

Terry: Just kiddin', honey...just kiddin'! Are you related to Mr. News Readin' on Channel 6?

Me: Yes, he is my husband. (blood returning to my face)

Terry: Is he really!? We watch him all the time...he does such a nice job covering the city.

Me: Thank you.

Terry: Just come on down and pay your ticket anytime between 8-5. And how bout you bring Mr. News Readin' along with you? We can put his picture up on our Wall of Fame.

Me: Sure! Will that knock my fine down?
(insert laughter - I mean, we're practically best friends by now)

Terry: (icily) No. You will still owe City K $293 for your serious traffic violation.

Me: Right. Of course.


Sheez. What happened to the Wall of Fame and all the honey talk?!

Another fine example of how local celeb (ha!) does not put you above the law. Although, I bet Terry will be singing a different song when Mr. News Readin' rolls in there on my arm, wearing a purple power tie and a bit of bronzer...

School zone will turn into seatbelt real fast.



Stay tuned. More at 11.