Tuesday, August 12, 2008

From the Land of Local Celebrity

The Land of Local Celebrity is a scary place, indeed. (We'll get to the freaky stuff in a later post.) There are, however, some moments of, "Well, awwwriiight."

By way of perks, I think the NRH has received:
tomatoes from local farmers
mugs, mugs and more mugs
a free foot-long sub from Subway (Big shout out to the sandwich artists at Store #157)
a Cosby Show white baseball cap

Sure, we've gotten tickets to the garden show, the holiday craft fair and some Russian circus I had never heard of, but in terms of REAL local celebrity moments - there are just a handful and here is one.

I wrote this email on Thursday, November 20, 2003 to a group of friends in New York. I had been married just over two months and enjoying marital life in Western Nebraska when this all went down...enjoy. NOTE: names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.

It's Thursday - so you probably will need a laugh to get you through to Friday. Well, here it is...
Greetings from the land of boarded up strip malls, leggings and sweatshirts as a "Friday night look", mullets, grannies driving pick-up trucks with gun racks and smoking while pumping gas.

I know what you're thinking - "Oh what a glamorous life she must be leading out there with all of that - VOID of culture..." Yes, some of it is just that fabulous. But I knew News Readin' Husband had hit the pinnacle of celeb when the following incident occurred.

There we were, full cart on a Tuesday evening at Albertson's. NRH was sweet enough to join me, as I "the little woman", have to yet to learn what the proper snacks are for someone who has the palate of a 12 yr. old boy (ie.drinks that are colors beyond nature, chips, rubbery fruit things and other items that would survive a nuclear holocaust.)

It was fairly crowded for City S standards. Three lanes open - one being express. A woman who must be God's sister was working lane 3 and she was backed up with three customers waiting. Everyone else who didn't make the cut for the express aisle was forced to choose lane 5.
GASP! The horror...the boy with black nail polish and multiple piercings!!!! Devil worshipper - I'm sure!

Then, as if God had taken pity on me, albeit while ignoring my prayer to get me the hell out of this cow-town, Melinda called out from the end of lane 3 where she was bagging.

"Mr. and Mrs. News Readin' - I've got you on lane 4!"
She did so while throwing her left hand in the air with four fingers flying - as if she were claiming the fourth quarter of a football game.

As we wheeled our cart to lane 4 she greeted us with,
"Would hate for folks like you to have to wait there with everyone else."

Finally, someone had recognized our celebrity...granted it was at the Albertson's Grocery store - but I have learned, that those who beg do not have the luxury of choosing...yet.

I thought you might enjoy that little glimpse of my life...
Go head and laugh - it's what I do all day long to keep from sobbing uncontrollably over the fact that there is three hours between me and a freakin' Gap.

Love, Mrs. News Readin'

1 comment:

Hilary said...

OMG! That is hilarious. Does it get any better than that???