Monday, June 29, 2009

Sound bite of the Week

When covering local news, especially a story that involves a crime, natural disaster or "The Man" sticking it to the little guy - a news reader always looks for the person who is jockeying to provide commentary or an eyewitness account.

More often than not, these folks are dying to be on TEEvee, no matter what the scenario and believe they were born ready for their close-up.

They usually resemble a "before" in a "before and after" montage for a cosmetic dentistry practice or is the type of person that gets ambushed for a makeover show at an amusement park, while eating a deep-fried turkey leg.

Many times they are without a shirt or the proper underpinnings to support their bosom. Often accompanied by a family member or members, that stand behind them during the interview making faces or shouting, "Hey Granny!"

If you have no idea who this person is - you are this person. So keep on keepin' on, because you make for some stellar local tv moments.

And now to our sound bite of the week.

The News Readin' Husband was covering an inordinate amount of rescues a local fire department had to perform on a swollen river. The recent rains in this neck of the woods has caused an otherwise lazy river to become rapid. A favorite spot for tubing, many have found themselves tossed over and requiring the assistance of the authorities.

This scenario baffled me.

Me: "Why are the companies that rent these tubes not cautioning people or not renting them at all?"
Mr. NR: "It's not their job to play lifeguard and they don't own the river."
Me: "Well, why isn't there some flag system - like on the beach in Mexico. I mean hell...if they can deter spring breakers with a black flag..."
Mr. NR: "There isn't one entry point and it's an ineffective system for this type of body of water."
Me: "Certainly the city or the county should be able to do something...a law, an ordinance...something"
Mr. NR: sliding into his South Georgia accent -"Honey, you can't legislate stupid."

All of a sudden I had a vision of him in his suit without a shirt, chomping down on a deep-fried turkey leg.

Someone has been spending too much time amongst the people.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.


leslie ruth said...

The hubs says my accent becomes ree-diculous when I've been around my mom's extended family.

Well, they do originally hail from a town called Creedmoor. I'm going to blame it on that.

Sara said...

Oh, I'm laughing at your post! Our news always seems to get the most uneducated people (who usually have no teeth) to interview. And, we always wonder, "Where did they find these people?"

Mom on the Run said...

I will never, ever, ever forget one of the funniest interviews I have ever seen in my life. It was about 20 years ago when we were in a hotel in Nashville--they were at the scene of a shooting. They interviewed an old guy in a wifebeater who had no teeth at all and it went like this:

"Blackie come in here and start shootin', then Whitey gets him gun and blow him back. He done falled on the floor and then they calls the paramutuals in and they jump start his @ss."

You can't make that up.

Legallyblondemel said...

I've always wondered how the News Readers pick their "on the scene" guy or gal. Next time I'll remember to hide the dentistry & look more enthusiastic.

Tubing is a social force to be reckoned with; I doubt that the flag system, had anyone thought of it down this way (note: they haven't), would carry much weight with the locals here either. There are spirited uprisings & mutterings about secession anytime the local governments try to regulate it here.

Leslie said...

Hilarious!! I have often wondered why anytime there is a tornado or natural disaster, the local news only finds the shirtless, toothless people to interview! Being from the south, I am often embarrassed by the people who represent our state through interviews on tv. Trust me, if there is ever a major news story in S.C., the today show will find the country bumpkin without a shirt and teeth!!

Stereos and Souffles said...

My eyes are watering from laughing. You can't legislate stupid is a classic line that should be repeated over and over.

PaperCourt said...


thepreppyprincess said...

This is priceless Miss News Readin', absolutely perfect.

And you are *so* right about most people being more-than-eager to be on teewee, but I do remember the first time I had to explain to my superiors that "No, they don't want to be on tv. They. Do. Not. Want To. Trust me, not everyone wants to be on television *all* the time." The superiors had to find out the heard way I was telling the truth about this particular family of strange rangers.

Have a lovely rest of the week!

Kate said...

that's funny. i was amongst those people this weekend tubing on the James! Only it was slow and my menfolk had their shirts on.

Happy Homemaker said...

Oh my LORD! Mom on the Run!!!

Have you all seen the sound bite on the "Leprechauns in Alabama"???

Bless. Their. Hearts.

The Doctor's Wife said...

HH was right about Mom on the Run's comment. I'm peeing in my pants as we speak. You know...there's an anchor spot opening in the 'noke...we need you here!