This Week's "Awww...." Moment

This Week's "Awww..." Moment is brought to us by the Breaking Newsroom's resident dynamic puppy and kitty duo - Putter & Simon.


Yes, I am that kooky about my four-legged babies. And yes, that Lab looks really big. It's also an extremely unflattering angle.

What can I say? She ate her way through the holidays.

Come on. It's not like you passed on the bacon-wrapped scallops, either.

Stay tuned.

More at 11.

xoxo,

Mrs. News Readin'

A Gift for Every Girl on the Go

Aren't we always looking for that sweet little something for a friend's birthday, token of appreciation for an act of selfless friendship or just because...she's a gal who can't be without her vodka fairy for very long. (Isn't that why you're friends in the first place?)

Faux Croc Mini Keychain Flask from Z Gallerie

Pave Mini Keychain Flask from Z Gallerie

Not sure what I find more disturbing - the fact that your options are faux croc or blinged-out or Z Gallerie's description that includes the phrase "...one ounce of freedom."

OR because it's a flask. On a KEYCHAIN.

J. Crew did the same thing two holiday seasons ago and all pieces were promptly removed from retail locations after the company was battered with complaints. (Don't worry I scored two on the interwebs...thinking it would be a collector's item or an excellent way to sneak booze into football games.)

Oh, please. Like you weren't thinking the same thing!

For $6.99 and $9.99 respectively - you can buy one for the spare set too...

Stay tuned. More at 11.

xoxo,

Mrs. News Readin'

Passie(ing) Judgement

Disclaimer: I am not a parent to anything with two legs. All statements written here are those of someone who is smart enough to know she is ill-equipped for the challenges of parenting another human being. BUT, is absolutely armed with the knowledge to judge the skill set of others.

Sense of humor and grain of salt required for reading the following post.

There I was in Fresh Market (Year 2010: Week 4: Visit 2) cruising around throwing overpriced pita chips, chicken salad and chutney in my basket - all while shooting their complimentary hazelnut coffee with Hood creamer. Hell, yes. It was a good day...

After I hit the final frontier (the dairy aisle) and loaded up on my $2.00 Greek yogurt, I spotted an older woman making THE most hideous face of disgust. What could it be?

Was her bourbon salmon looking suspect? Out of organic eggs? Did she realize her raspberry pillow cookies were going to be near impossible to peal apart- which will undoubtedly force her to eat two cookies every time? (No, I do not know that from experience. I've just heard that's what happens...)

And then I spotted her - the cause of such a look.

Approximately 3 1/2 feet tall, fleece lined crocks bedecked and bedazzled with those giblets - or whatever they are, butterflies embroidered on her blue jeans with a sparkly matching tee...she looked like a lot of other four or five year old little girls. Painted nails, ring, bracelet and pierced ears - did give her an air of sophistication (or a whiff of tartlet in the making - depending on where you fall down on these things...)

Then I gazed upon the bright blue passie in her mouth. And I was riveted.

My eyes immediately went to her mother, who I was prepared to look like a disaster. Obviously, someone who had stopped fighting the good fight and was just worn out by her minis.

Nope. She was as fresh as the morning dew. With a killer Marc Jacobs bag, might I add.

I was thoroughly perplexed. And extremely curious (read: obsessed) so I just happened to find myself in the same checkout lane. Fancy that!

FYI...Children either love me or want nothing to do with me. I mean I'm not Mrs. Oleson,but I ain't Miss Beadle either.

I'm so glad I wore my big girl Chanel sunnies to the store and KJL enamel bangles, because this little girl recognized a kindred gypsy spirit and immediately removed her passie to chat me up.

Excellent.

Little girl: "I have mani-coor."

Me: "Ohhh! I love your sparkly pink nails. So fun!"

LG: "Look at my ring. It's pink too."

Me: "So fabulous!"

LG: "It's like your ring..."

Before I burst her little bubble with, "No, honey - I had to dig through ten trays of crappy jewelry from an estate to find this bad boy. And had to spoon feed it to my then boyfriend, who proceeded to tell me he wasn't ready to buy a ring - even if it was the perfect ring, a great deal and only in his best interest - AND even if it meant he could sit on it for a few months, maybe a year."

No, baby girl - I had to work hard for this bauble.

LG: "I have a passie."

Me: "Indeed."

Out of the corner of my eye I watched to see if mum flinched. Or got flustered. Nope.

So let me get this straight - you let your little girl have her nails painted, wear jewelry, have pierced ears AND let her rock the passie in public. Just seemed ridiculous.

Let me reiterate, I have ZERO parenting experience but, I can assure you if my mini Mrs. News Readin' understands what a manicure is and acutually has one - her passie is a very distant memory.

It took EVERYTHING in my being to not throw out my dollar's worth of two cents. Something along the lines of, "Big girls have manicures, but usually not passies."

Succint, yet powerful.

LG: "You're pretty."

And with that - I realized that this child was wise beyond her years. Brilliant, even.

Who cares if she takes that passie to college? I took my prom picture. My roommate brought coke. It's all about feeling "at home..." Right?

Yet another shining example of why I am ill-equipped to manage a mini. Sigh.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

xoxo,

Mrs. News Readin'

Dear Audrina : Really Feeling All That Global Warming

Soooo....I'm not dead. Just in hibernation. And might I add - for good reason.

No, I am not with child. I'm awaiting the arrival of the genetic masterpiece that is Gisele and Tom Brady's baby to arrive. That way - I can see if the old adage of two good looking people always have an unattractive child holds water. If they can't make it happen, then the News Readin' Husband and I have got ZERO shot. But, I digress...

***

In my usual morning cruise around the interwebs, I stumbled upon this image of Audrina Partridge of the Hills (and sundry naughty photo fame.) Oh, and she used to not have an upper lip.



Look at you, muffin! LA girl just doin' a little shopping in NYC. West Coast style in full effect...Fun knit cap and...bare arms?! Really?

Yes, it was mild. 57 degrees. But, 57 degrees in Manhattan is slightly different feeling than 57 degrees in LA. Look around sweetie. Everyone else on the street is hunkered down in some sort of clothing that covers the arms. After all, it is December.

Maybe I'm not giving enough credence to your furry vest.
(BTW - Is that Chewbacca or Scottish Highland Cattle?)




Either way - exotic!

As my mother would say, are you trying to catch your death walking around like the Breath of Spring? Like you, I would fiercely deny any chill. And you are wearing a hat.

Enough silliness. Those sticks for arms could use a leetle insulation. Now run along, and go grab a mini leather jacket somewhere.

You didn't go through all that trouble of inflating that upper lip just to cover chattering teeth!
Give my best to Justin Bobby and co.

Air kisses,

Mrs. NR


We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Bon Voyage

We're off for a whirlwind trip to Spain for my childhood bestie's wedding.

Four days.
Seven pairs of shoes.
Six dresses.
A pound of jewelry.
A husband who knows ZERO Spanish.

And a new camera.

Oy.

Be back on Monday with a full report.

xoxo,
Mrs. News Readin'

Our New Addition

Calm down. The Mommy Mafia has not claimed me...yet.

We would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to the newest member of the News Readin' household - Simon.


Big Sister, Putter is still trying to figure out why we had to get another kitty.

I told her that instead of costing us money like her (open heart surgery, visits with a canine cardiologist, physical therapy for ligament damage, etc.) - he is earning his keep.

He's already killed two mice. Oh, and he's only four months old.

We are so proud!

xoxo,
Mrs. NR

"I carried a watermelon..."

If you are unfamiliar with this movie quote, then I recommend you scoot right along to the next post in your google reader queue.

For those reading this who are not communists and recognize the line that Baby utters to Johnny Castle at the after party in Dirty Dancing - we are meant to be friends. (Stick around. I give pretty good birthday gifts.)

"I carried a watermelon..." is exactly what I say when I find myself embarrassed by an item I may have blurted out for usually one of two reasons:

1) I've been over-served by a bartender or myself (more often than not it is by my own hand)
2) My Sweet & Thoughtful pills ran out and the real me shows up...gah. Hate those days.

We recently attended a very lovely 30th birthday party for a dear friend and member of our game night group. The sweet tea vodka flowed and I became a casualty of my own seemingly bottomless highball glass. The good news - I was sweet...not so much thoughtful.

There are five couples in our game night group. It's a well-balanced bunch. We've got a good thing going. No need to fiddle with the recipe. Right? Well, after four drinks this cook headed to the kitchen.

A very cute couple mentioned how they wanted to start their own game night group. I responded quickly - "Pish. We've done all the leg work...just to come to ours next month."

Fast forward an hour later- chatting with another couple, the Williams*, game night was again mentioned. And, I offered up an invitation to next month's gathering.
*Names have been changed to protect the boring and dis-invited.

Later on the nicest woman in our group (Daisy Troop leader, teaches Boot Camp every morning at 5 am, coaches her church's youth basketball league...you get it) asked, "Did I hear you invite the Williams to game night? They are terrible."

Ruh-roh.

So, I can only hope that they indulged in equal parts sweet tea vodka resulting in general alcohol induced memory fuzziness and will not be ringing the doorbell in a few weeks for our Connect Four Tournament.

Yet again - "I carried a watermelon..."

Mr. News Readin' let me know that if we are asked to leave the game night group he will formally protest and petition to retain his membership, but will accept my dismissal based on inappropriate conduct.

Thanks, dear. The support is overwhelming.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

**Edited to add: When I penned this - I had no idea it would coincide with the passing of Patrick Swayze. No one made dancing or the Catskills sexier and inspired millions to "try the lift."