And they're off!

Horse racing, in my most humble opinion, is one of the most exciting sports to watch. The incredible strength and speed of the horses leaves me in awe. Equally awe-inspiring are the almost miniature people who ride these massive animals at break neck speeds.


We went to college with a guy who is supposedly now a jockey. Could have fooled me. Back in the day I was pretty sure he would be the 40 year old loser selling PB& J sandwiches out of the back of his Subaru Outback at a Widespread show and teaching Hooping classes at the New Age gym.

The Animal Planet has a new reality show, Jockeys: Win or Die Trying that follows seven jockeys - including two women - through the rigors of the racing world at Santa Anita.

After watching the first episode, I now am certain that our college acquaintance is most definitely that aforementioned 40 year old and in no way racing horses. Talk about extreme sports!

Just a few interesting tidbits...

• There are no height restrictions on jockeys, only weight
• Jockeys usually weigh between 108 and 118 pounds
• Jockeys have the highest insurance premium in professional sports due to the high likelihood of injury
• The sport is so dangerous an ambulance follows the jockeys around the track during a race
• More than two jockeys a year are killed while engaged in the sport in North America
• Most jockeys only make between $30,000 - 40,000 annually (dang.)
  

Jockey Frankie Dettori leaps off Raven's Pass in the winner's circle as he celebrates winning the Breeders' Cup Classic horse race at Santa Anita Park in Arcadia, Calif., Saturday, Oct. 25, 2008.

If you are looking for a break from the mind-numbing reality tv options - you may enjoy this. And think about how knowledgeable you'll come off at that Derby Party...not just a pretty face and a big hat, boys.

Jockeys airs on Animal Planet Fridays at 9:00 pm.

Grey Gardens: What could have been reality tv's finest moment.

First, grab a vodka gimlet. This is a long post. My apologies...


One of my all-time favorite train wreck type viewing pleasures is the 1975 documentary, Grey Gardens, about Edith "Big Edie" Ewing Bouvier Beale and her daughter Edith "Little Edie" Bouvier Beale, aunt and first cousin of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis and her sister, (once Princess) Caroline "Lee" Bouvier Radizwill. (Gah. That was a lot of names to type.)

The documentary is named for the dilapidated 28- room beach house the two shared along with raccoons, legions of cats (and a variety of other unsavory house guests of the scurrying kind) on West End Avenue in East Hampton's Georgica Pond area.

Grey Gardens ca. 1915

To give you a frame of reference - if the Beales were alive today, their neighbors would include Steven Spielberg, billionaire Ron Perelman and until recently, Martha.

The eccentric (read: crazy) mother daughter duo lived in the rambling house in almost total isolation. Their bizarre and rather unhealthy lifestyle was brought to light after a series of visits by the Suffolk County Health Department lead to a New York Magazine cover story in 1972. It was only then, that their more famous relations provided the necessary funds to repair the home in order for it to meet Village codes. (!)

Little Edie in the mink and Big Edie seated, in a still from Grey Gardens, 1975

Their story prior to 1975 is way more interesting than the living in Easthampton squalor.
Little Edie claiming that had Joe Kennedy, Jr. not died in the war that she would have married him and become First Lady - not cousin Jackie...Big Edie pulling her out of school for two years claiming that she was too ill to attend but taking her on a shopping trip to Paris and the legend that Little Edie lit her own hair on fire so that she would never be beautiful to anyone but her beloved mother...this also lends an explanation (albeit, murky) to the ever-present head kerchief.

If you are wondering where I am going with this...we've arrived.

Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange recently worked the red carpet at the Golden Globes, drumming buzz for their HBO movie, Grey Gardens to air in April 2009, based on the lives of the Beales.


This is not the first act of homage to the grande dames of Grey Gardens - although I'm sure it required more hairspray to promote (Drew, I'm talking to you dear) than any of the other productions. The most critically acclaimed was a Tony award winning musical starring Christine Ebersole.

Something tells me that neither Drew or Jessica are Emmy or Golden Globe bound for their portrayals. But, I've been wrong before...(Brad and Jen are going to be together forever - the tattoo on your ring finger kind of together forever.)

Grey Gardens restored , 2003.

Big Edie died in 1977 and Little Edie sold the house for mere pennies in 1979 to Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee and his wife, Sally Quinn. The couple have completely restored the home and grounds.

The Beales never made a dime off of the documentary, but did become (in)famous. It makes me think if this were to happen today, they would have a reality show, at least two appearances on Oprah and Nate Berkus would be re-doing their kitchen complete with a cat door.

Sometimes truth is much more entertaining than fiction.

Thanks for indulging me...Stay tuned.
Coming up next: DIY with the Anchorman.

En Route: The Apocalypse

Every time I feel like we are making strides towards bettering America (Scrubs getting picked up by ABC) something else presents that makes me say, "Oh, well. Better get a mani/pedi before I have to reconcile my poor decisions with a higher power."

I experienced that moment when I caught a promo of this new show on WE:

Little Miss Perfect

About the Show: "Little Miss Perfect is a journey into the world of children's pageants. Each episode follows two families as they practice and primp—all leading up to the stress and joy of competing for the title Little Miss Perfect. Featuring Michael Galanes, national pageant director for more than 10 years."

Nauseated yet? It gets worse. The premiere episode sounds like a real nail biter - a hairsprayed to the hilt, more makeup than a South Beach trannie - nail biter.**

(Nothing but normal here...)

"Brandi Jean has just come off a big win, but this 9-year-old beauty queen already has her sights on the next crown. At age 8, Ashley is a pageant veteran and the reigning Little Miss Citrus. In this episode, the girls will face off on a crowded Orlando stage. Pageant mom Jean is hoping a Marilyn Monroe-inspired number will help Brandi "wow" the judges, while pageant mom Tina decides that Ashley should go "big" and creates a brand new routine with only 3 days left before the pageant–leading to late nights and last-minute stress The $1,000 prize is up for grabs and the pressure’s on... Who will win the coveted title of Little Miss Perfect?"


What could be worse than pitting two elementary-aged girls against eachother to the tune of "It's Raining Men"? It can't get worse...can it?

Yes, dear reader. It can get much worse.


Meet the Pageant Director, Michael Galanes. From his bio page:

"Michael is a graduate of Providence College, Providence, RI and quickly moved to Orlando, Fla. to work with whom else, but princesses at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom! Michael performed as a face character in parades and shows throughout the park. He worked as a model throughout the world with Pro Model Management in Athens, Greece. No stranger to beauty, Michael served as a state director for Miss Vermont USA/Teen USA, NBC/Donald Trump Productions."

What the hell is a "face character"?? And model. Storied career. Oh, and I'm going to go on record saying that Mr. Galanes is very much a stranger to beauty.

Sadly, I wish I could say I were a stranger to this sign of the approaching Apocalypse.
It premieres February 18 at 10 pm.


**Before you send me a bunch of hate mail about how pageants provide excellent scholarship opportunities and inspire strength and confidence in girls and young women - just save it. It's your child and you can manage your role as parent as you see fit. But, this is my blog and I can wax sanctimonious, as I see fit.