It's not an Emmy. But, we'll take it.

Acknowledgement for a job well done in Mr. News Readin's real newsroom is tough to come by.

Yes - we joke that he merely touches up the bronzer, straightens the tie, clears his throat a few times and reads the teleprompter to the masses. In actuality, he does quite a bit of work and a whole lot of schlepping around to gain interviews and sound bites for our viewing pleasure.

July is sweeps. This means all of a sudden you are watching in-depth reports on bus driver drug use and the dangers of pools in the backyards of foreclosed homes. The good stuff...

The NRH sweeps story covered the transport of coal fly ash from a spill area not far from here to a very poor county in Alabama. And we're not talking about one train car of this stuff. More like 1.1 billion gallons that will take an entire year to remove.

For this fine moment of reporting he was awarded - drum roll, please...
the Reporter of the Week!

Here is a snippet from his News Director's email, which he forwarded me (big mistake):

For the first time in a while I can officially call the Reporter of the Week a “landslide winner. “
Mr. News Readin is this week’s winner for his “Ash to Alabama” stories.

First I’d like to give Mr. NR credit for coming up with this idea as his one sweeps suggestion for July.
(Our guy thought it was that solid he only submitted one! My! The confidence...)

His co-workers wrote:

“Anyone who watched it won’t forget the line “smells like money.”
“Any journalist who can get a politician to sniff fly-ash on tape is pretty good.”
“He asked the right questions, made excellent points in his stand-ups."

Others receiving votes this week:
Jill for her second massage parlor bust story and her substitute teacher lawsuit story.
Whitney -- for her follow-up on the local church that burned down.

(I left that last part in because for some reason it made me laugh...)

We are so proud...Of course there was a celebratory dinner last night - consisting of beer and cheeseburgers by special request of the honoree.

If they made bumper stickers that said, "I'm the proud wife of a Reporter of the Week" - it would already be on the back of the Tahoe.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Sound bite of the Week

When covering local news, especially a story that involves a crime, natural disaster or "The Man" sticking it to the little guy - a news reader always looks for the person who is jockeying to provide commentary or an eyewitness account.

More often than not, these folks are dying to be on TEEvee, no matter what the scenario and believe they were born ready for their close-up.

They usually resemble a "before" in a "before and after" montage for a cosmetic dentistry practice or is the type of person that gets ambushed for a makeover show at an amusement park, while eating a deep-fried turkey leg.

Many times they are without a shirt or the proper underpinnings to support their bosom. Often accompanied by a family member or members, that stand behind them during the interview making faces or shouting, "Hey Granny!"

If you have no idea who this person is - you are this person. So keep on keepin' on, because you make for some stellar local tv moments.

And now to our sound bite of the week.

The News Readin' Husband was covering an inordinate amount of rescues a local fire department had to perform on a swollen river. The recent rains in this neck of the woods has caused an otherwise lazy river to become rapid. A favorite spot for tubing, many have found themselves tossed over and requiring the assistance of the authorities.

This scenario baffled me.

Me: "Why are the companies that rent these tubes not cautioning people or not renting them at all?"
Mr. NR: "It's not their job to play lifeguard and they don't own the river."
Me: "Well, why isn't there some flag system - like on the beach in Mexico. I mean hell...if they can deter spring breakers with a black flag..."
Mr. NR: "There isn't one entry point and it's an ineffective system for this type of body of water."
Me: "Certainly the city or the county should be able to do something...a law, an ordinance...something"
Mr. NR: sliding into his South Georgia accent -"Honey, you can't legislate stupid."

All of a sudden I had a vision of him in his suit without a shirt, chomping down on a deep-fried turkey leg.

Someone has been spending too much time amongst the people.


We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Late Breaking Story

Today I was feeling sweeter than normal and decided to give the News Readin' Husband a call during lunch to see what he was working on for our evening enjoyment.

Our conversation went a little something like this...

Me: Hey, what's the story of the day?

Mr. NR: Oh, just sitting at some health department press conference talking about swine flu. Did you know that pigs pass the flu virus - just like humans? Interesting.

Me: Did you ask if you can catch anything else from the little buggers? Or any other livestock for that matter? I mean, seriously. We need to know.

Mr. NR: (snidely) No, I did not ask if we can catch things from other livestock. I also didn't ask how fast a cheetah really runs. It was a press conference about swine flu.

Me: Whatever. Hmph.

And, scene.


Well, that's the last time I try to help him create the next media frenzy.

Off to figure out why we can't just call it pig flu,

Mrs. News Readin'

Law and Order: Special News Reader Unit

Driving is not in my wheelhouse. Quoting the movie Heathers, being seated next to the most emotionally unstable person on any plane and making crêpes - on the other hand - are all me.

An illustration: it took three tries to pass my road test. From 1999-2003, I can count on two hands how many times I operated a motor vehicle. These stats did not exactly inspire confidence in the News Readin' Husband upon marriage and the addition of moi to his car insurance policy.

Recently, he seemed slightly perturbed when I reported being inconvenienced one morning in early February, while driving through a school zone by an officer of the law. By inconvenienced, I mean stopped for doing 50 mph in a 25 mph zone. Oops. You would think he would be numb to such moments after five + years of marriage.

To add to my not so bright and shiny morning, I couldn't locate my most current insurance card. If only he had stopped me prior to October 2008...Dammit.

Guess who missed her court date and has yet to pay her ticket? I know - my brilliance and incredible sense of responsibility are overwhelming. Mr. NR is not pleased. At all.

Yesterday I contacted the City K traffic court to discuss my errr...dilemma and had the pleasure of reaching Terry, who is four months away from retirement, a stickler for the law and lucky for me - a fan of a certain New Readin' Husband. Yahtzee.

Or so I thought.


Me: I'm calling in regards to ticket number 1234XYZ

Terry: Ohhh...let's see what we have here...speeding in a school zone and no proof of insurance. And you missed your court appearance! Tsk, tsk.

Me: Yes, well, sorry about all that. Could I just mail my payment to the court?

Terry: Miss News Readin' - is it? We'll be sending a patrol car for you shortly.

Me: (insert the sound of crickets and shallow breathing)

Terry: Just kiddin', honey...just kiddin'! Are you related to Mr. News Readin' on Channel 6?

Me: Yes, he is my husband. (blood returning to my face)

Terry: Is he really!? We watch him all the time...he does such a nice job covering the city.

Me: Thank you.

Terry: Just come on down and pay your ticket anytime between 8-5. And how bout you bring Mr. News Readin' along with you? We can put his picture up on our Wall of Fame.

Me: Sure! Will that knock my fine down?
(insert laughter - I mean, we're practically best friends by now)

Terry: (icily) No. You will still owe City K $293 for your serious traffic violation.

Me: Right. Of course.


Sheez. What happened to the Wall of Fame and all the honey talk?!

Another fine example of how local celeb (ha!) does not put you above the law. Although, I bet Terry will be singing a different song when Mr. News Readin' rolls in there on my arm, wearing a purple power tie and a bit of bronzer...

School zone will turn into seatbelt real fast.



Stay tuned. More at 11.

Honey it's for you...it's that inmate again.

Grab a drink. This is long one...My apologies.

A few weeks back I mentioned all of the attention a certain News Readin' Husband was garnering from the male portion of the viewing audience. (Now we know how Hugh Jackman feels...just kidding...we have no idea how he feels, but imagine it to be yummy in an insanely hot Aussie way.)

Wait, where am I? Oh, yes. Inmate communique.

For an entire weekend we received calls from a service called Pay Tel Communications that provides the phone services for various correctional facilities. And at all times of the day...3:30 pm on Saturday to 8:15 am on Sunday.

The phone would ring, I would pick it up and a very chipper recording would say,
"This is Pay Tel Communications and you are receiving a call from (insert self-recorded name of inmate Dave), an inmate at the Blank County Correctional Facility..."

If the message were anymore delightful, I would have brought a bundt cake to Dave and asked the Pay Tel Communications lady to join my tap dance class. (True story.)

After a few of these, I grew tired of tearing myself away from DVR'd Top Chef and stalking an antique suzani on Ebay to answer. So I tried to call Pay Tel directly to see if they could remove/block our number or maybe just let Dave down easy and say that the News Readin's are no longer accepting phone calls - only Facebook friend requests.

Incredibly, not a single human being works at Pay Tel. So I had to contact our phone service provider, who immediately deemed me insensitive to those serving time.

Me: "We keep receiving phone calls from the County Correctional Facility and I would like to block all the exchanges through Pay Tel."
Comcast: "Do you know someone at the jail?"
Me: "No and I'm not trying to get to know someone at the jail either..."
Comcast: " Well, it could just be that you have the number of an old friend and they are trying to reach them."
Me: "I sort of don't give a sh&% who they think they're calling - I don't want Pay Tel Communications to show up on my caller id again. Ever. Let's make it happen, Sport."
Comcast: "You should probably just take one call from them and let them know they have the wrong number and they'll stop calling."
Me: "Actually, Steve - I don't think they have the wrong number. But, I'll be happy to give them your extension at Comcast, so that when their 90 days are up for assault they can ring you to grab a coffee and just talk."
Comcast: "Have a nice day."
Me: "It's not looking good right now."

And, scene.

There is a limit to blocked phone numbers - 13 total. For most, blocking 13 numbers from reaching you would be sufficient - save for Bernie Madoff. However, in this case the County Correctional Facility / Pay Tel have wayyyy more than just 13 exchanges. So, even though I blocked all of the numbers I could, Dave & Pay Tel could still reach out and touch us from behind bars. (Sleeping with the lights on at night kinda-scary...)

Enter Mr. News Readin' and his close ties (and mutually programmed cell phone numbers) with The Law and specifically the 40+ administrative assistant in the Sheriff's Office, Shantall, who thinks he's hotter than Memphis in August. Let's be honest - you know she runs the damn show. He provided Dave's name and a list of the dates and times of the phone calls to our home.

With one simple phone call - I went from screening calls from Dave and my mother - to just my mother. Whew!

When I asked Mr. News Readin' who the inmate was...when this joker was getting out ...what he was in for, etc. (because it would be kind of nice to know if we are dealing with a petty thief or a rapist) - he said, "Oh, I didn't even ask."

You're a reporter and you didn't even ask any questions!!?? A little less time touching up your bronzer and a little more time getting the story - K?

Just to be on the safe side, the Sheriff's cell phone number is now programmed into my cell. Which could lead me to a cozy little cell next to Dave given my penchant for intoxicated texting and growing disdain for the renters behind us who play their music too loudly...


Stay tuned.
More at 11.

Breaking News from Gobbler's Nob

Dammit, Phil.


Being hoisted up in the air by the gentleman pictured above, is probably not how you saw your Monday beginning. I'd be irritated too - and equally not camera ready. Did they even let you take a brush to your tail? Ughh. State Tourism flacks are the worst.

With 13,000 people in the crowd, I'm sure you were slightly embarrassed. Hate that for you.

But, six more weeks of winter. Is that really necessary?

Seems like we might all be paying the price for some sour grapes of the NFL variety... Maybe you hail from a long line of die hard Eagles fans, and just hate to see the Steelers win the Big Game. Or you just want to get in a couple of more runs at Camelback. Maybe you slept in your contacts last night, making your shadow unmistakable. (Never a good idea, my man.)

Whatever your reasons - Candelemas will continue. Leave it to the Germans and their superstitions to put a damper on the approaching nice weather. (Not everybody wants to don their lederhosen and 100% wool Miesbacher jackets until April. K?) Just in case your middle school American history escapes you presently...Pennsylvania's earliest settlers were Germans.

A Miesbacher jacket

Hey Phil - here's a thought. Leave a "thanks for the good times" note in your stump and buy a one-way ticket to Vancouver. You can still enjoy life in a fur coat and the Winter Olympics are fast approaching. Surely they have some work for a seasoned groundhog, as yourself.


Sincerely yours in a very chilly way,

Mrs. News Readin'

P.S. If you are looking to do a tell-all interview for television, do call.

Fan Mail. Male Fans.

Let me open by saying, I do not consider the News Readin' husband a celebrity. Others, who obviously do not know the man I am married to beyond his daily television moments - do.

How sad for them.

Mr. News Readin's fan base tends to be 65+, doesn't drive after dark and watches Wheel of Fortune nightly. In other words - old ladies. But in a surprising departure - throughout his news reading career, gay men, have also expressed interest in our favorite anchorman. You recall this joker from PA.

Prior to me being the Mrs., he was residing in far western Nebraska, reading news nightly for approximately 200 viewers and a couple of folks in Wyoming. (That number is a slight exaggeration...it may have been 185.) Not being the savviest of souls, he decided to keep his home telephone number published for public consumption. Super smart.

It started with a few hang ups on the answering machine, calls in the middle of the night and then the letters started coming to the station.

"Mark" found Mr. News Readin' to be friendly and attractive - on air. Mark suggested a very discreet, friendly meeting "just to talk" in a parking lot. Mmm...yes. Nothing says discretion and friendly like meeting a stranger in a public parking lot, Mark. Save the ambiance and intimacy of an interstate rest stop men's room for your second date...errr, meeting.

Mr. News Readin' although mildly flattered by the invitation, declined via email and thanked Mark for being a viewer. He went on to tell him that he looked forward to starting his married life in western Nebraska in just a few short months. (In my experience - no time in western Nebraska is short...)

Mr. NR was slightly freaked out, but learned a valuable lesson and our phone number will forever be unlisted.

Which is why I am totally freaked out that all last weekend I fielded phone calls from the county correctional facility from a man named, Dave.

I've said it once - and I'll say it again...sometimes it's tough being married to a man who would look better in my Old Navy lounge pants, knows what concealer is...and garners more interest from inmates than I would. Damn.

Stay tuned for Part II of our Fan Mail from Male Fans - live from the City K correctional facility and a one-on-one interview with the county sheriff's department.

When bad things happen to good News Readers.

This Inauguration coverage seemed like Spring Break for big time news readers with cushy network gigs. (When is the last time you covered a school board meeting, Campbell Brown? Exactly. Cushy.)

Unfortunately, Mr. News Readin' was stuck here in City K - keeping it real. Today he went to a rally to interview people who were watching the inauguration. On television. In a hotel.

He was displeased to say the least. Especially since a lesser talented reporter from his station scored a tag-a-long gig with a news team out of Sacramento to cover the festivities in D.C. (In the land of news, this means she probably used to sleep with the news director at that station and in order for him to avoid any legal action he is now forced to let her ride his coattails, so to speak.)

At least she didn't make this egregious decision...


Really?

Millions of American will be watching and for years will recall your coverage of this historic event. Also, probably a bright, shiny moment professionally. Surely to be in your sample reel - that your agent will shop around to get you a better gig.

And you decide to have a Blossom moment.



Where's your best friend Six when you need her?


We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

A News Readin' Wedding Belle

Mr. News Readin' s sister called us Friday night to share some exciting news - she's engaged!
We are so happy for her and her sweet fiance.

Mr. NR and my mother-in-law have gone into full wedding planning mode. We are averaging about two phone calls a day, and probably an email or two off my radar.

It looks like an early fall wedding and Mr. NR wants to make sure it doesn't interfere with:
- SEC football watching
- Sweeps - the time of year when news stations make big deal out of things like garbage collection and city employees using their city-issued cars to road trip it to Tunica. News readers are not allowed to take any time off during these months - no exceptions.

And me? Well, I'm keeping a low profile until my assistance, advice or attendance are requested or required.

I did pick-up my standard newly-engaged gift for her.



From Mottahedeh.

One was given to me when I got engaged. Reading it every night before I place my rings in it, just makes me smile.

I hope it will make our Wedding Belle smile, too.


More at 11.

Major Airlines: Take Note

In reading all of the accounts of yesterday's horrific landing of US Air Flight 1549 from LaGuardia to Charlotte - I hope major airlines gleaned an important detail.

The experience of age.


The pilot, Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger of Danville, Calif has 40 years of varied flight experience. An Air Force Academy grad, who flew F-4 fighter planes, he has 29 years of flying time with US Airways. In addition, he is an airline safety expert who has consulted with NASA and other organizations.

It's not uncommon in today's poorly managed airline industry for pilots with the experience (and salary) of Captain Sullenbeger to be forced into early retirement and faced with evaporated hard-earned pensions.

I for one, am willing to sacrifice warm Diet Coke and pretzels and pony up an extra $25 for the likes of Captain Sullenberger to remain employed and enjoy a rewarding pension upon retirement. A seasoned pilot who can land a damn Airbus on a river, surrounded by one of the world's most densely populated major metropolitan areas is worth his weight in gold. Or American dollars.

So put him on the luggage scale and let me know - along with the countless other pilots who have the knowledge and experience to keep us alive in times of crisis in the air.

They are payed to know what to do when things go horribly wrong - not to make sure we make our connection in Cincinnati in enough time to hit the Cinnabon. There is no greater example of this than yesterday's incredible outcome.

Blessings to Captain Sullenberger and I only hope my next flight is in the back of a plane handled by someone as equally poised and knowledgeable.

We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

The Animal Odd Couple: Tissues Required

A must watch for any animal lover!

My MIL sent this video - an installment of CBS News "Assignment America."

Steve Hartman is a great reporter/news reader and this might be one of his best pieces. Kudos to him for bringing us something that is uplifting and positive.

Grab a tissue. This is one of the sweetest stories...



Watch CBS Videos Online

A Stellar New Year

"For I dipped into the Future,
far as the human eye could see;
saw the vision of the world,
and all the wonder that would be."

- Alfred Lord Tennyson, 1842

2009 is the year of Astronomy.

Pretty exciting stuff, gang. To learn more click here.

Make plans to stargaze, visit a planetarium or join in their solar observation. Even if it's just once this year. In their words, "the universe is yours to discover."


Wishing you a stellar '09,

Mrs. News Readin'


We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

The Anchorman has a Fan(atic)

(Ron Burgandy (Will Farrell) and co-host Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate))

Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.

From the movie Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy

While eating dinner last night, Mr. News Readin' shared that someone had emailed him requesting an autographed picture. Well excuuuuse me, Big Time.

He said that this overzealous fan was a gentleman...who lives in Pennsylvania. (Mr. News Readin's station reaches three different states - none of them are Pennsylvania.)

Ruh-roh. Sounds like those newsroom updates - broadcast on the web are reaching a wider audience than we thought.

He brought this matter to the attention of his news director, who got a got hearty laugh from the whole thing. I was amused as well, especially thinking that this fan thinks Mr. News Readin' actually has a head shot. Come on! That's just too rich...

Mr. News Readin's biggest concern, "Why would I want to pay the postage to send this guy a picture of me?"

Riiigght. That's exactly what you should be concerned with...not the fact that a man who lives hundreds of miles away and cannot watch you on the actual television wants a signed 8" x 10" glossy of your money maker. (That's news biz talk for face.)

The conclusion: if he emails again ask him if he prefers one with or without a shirt. Then tell him we'll send it out ASAP - postage due of course.

More at 11.

W.W.B.W.E

What would Brian Williams eat?

If you believe his interview in Parade this past weekend, he eats Arby's, Cinnabon and Cracker Barrel. And other sundry Food Court anchors...Wok-n-Roll perhaps?


Yikes. Embarrassing. Whoever his publicist is should be dismissed. Stat.

We all know how much the News Readin's love a little BW. But, are we really supposed to believe that fair Brian frequents the Food Court or better...Arby's? (Note to non-Northerners...there isn't a Cracker Barrel, Waffle House or Arby's in Manhattan.)

Brian inhabits a rather swanky pad at a very tony address in New York. His neighborhood restaurant is Le Cirque. That's not an exaggeration. Le Cirque is located on the ground floor of BW's building. You can read all about it being "better than having an Applebee's in the lobby," according to Brian, here.

Let me guess, you're favorite meal at Waffle House is waffles.

Briiiaaannn...the answer is grilled cheese and hash browns - smothered and covered. And Arby's over Chick Fil A?! Blasphemous.

So, let's recap B-Dub. Comparing Cinnabon to crack is bad for business- yours and theirs. (I agree with the comparison...just sayin') Posing with pizza on the cover of Parade reeks of phony.

Stick to rockin' the purple power tie, going heavy on the self tanner, humorous banter on late night talk shows and being a good news reader. Although, if you keep up the pr missteps that chair might be empty sooner rather than later.

And that's good for the News Readin's business. Hmm...err...keep up the good work B-Dub.

Mrs. News Readin'

Election '08 Hangover

Election night for media is like New Year's Eve, Christmas and prom all rolled into one crazy, exhilarating night.

Mr. News Readin', being a hard hitting political reporter, spent the night doing live cut-ins from City K's GOP headquarters at the Crown Plaza - well past midnight.

It turned out to be a good night for Republicans (around these parts) and the Johnnie Walker was flowing, but our poor reporter was on the clock and unable to partake.

Until - he finished his last live shot. Then he borrowed $10.00 from the head investigative reporter....you know the guy people call after their contractor bails and the new toilet is in the den...and Mr. News Readin' enjoyed a JW on the rocks to celebrate a job well done.

Speaking of drinking for a good reason - two counties in this fine state are no longer dry. Phew! Flasking it to Chili's was getting old.

To the amazement (read: disgust) of yours truly, after working late he loves a snack usually reserved for football watching. Which explains what greeted me this morning as I grabbed milk for my coffee:

Not sure how he doesn't replenish toothpaste, but he'll make a pit stop after working a 14 hr. day to enjoy this on the couch with a couple bottles of the king. Real mystery.

Oh, and this bad boy:

Business in the front and apparently (Democratic) party in the back.
Classic. Fear not, no partisan reporting here...he also scored four McCain/Palin buttons that are just not as funny. (Guess the Republican mullets weren't as organized.)

More at 11.

All the news that's fit to read

I'm not sure why I work. It's certainly not for the professional accolades and rewarding feeling at the end of the day. I can confidently say that it's not for the hefty paycheck I wave in the air as I haughtily enter the bank every two weeks. (Ha!) And nope, it's definitely not because I do something that changes lives.

Aaaaahhh...I remember. I work because things like a $48 monogrammed apron from France is considered a must-have and my dog and cat require extra play time while at Pet Day Care. It's also for days like this, when all that talk of PR being fun and glam goes silent. Note: none of this is fabricated embellished or exaggerated. Promise.

Before we left for California I was up to my neck in work. Impromptu client meetings were not on the agenda. But when the big boss tells me that a potential client is looking for some public relations work for a multi-million dollar business venture - the billable hours make this PR hound grab her dossier, pen, purse and head for the corporate park in the pouring rain.

Mind you I went to this meeting with very little info except for he is a brilliant (read crazy), inventor / entrepreneur who already has several highly successful business ventures. I entered his unremarkable office space and waited in a dark vestibule until someone boomed, "I bet you're looking for me."

The next thing I know I'm seated at a massive conference room table with the madman inventor, his marketing director, head scientific researcher and chief chemist. (Glad I wore my glasses for this crowd.) On a screen is a document entitled "Lab Announces Poo Prints."

Ummm...is this a joke? Oh, no. Not even close.

I proceed to read a 5-page press release on a dna bank completely driven by the idea that Home
Owner Associations will force residents to have their dog's "business" registered. That way if any "business" is found in public space it can couriered off to a lab and matched to the offender.

Wow. Hate to break it to you but, the domestic and overseas markets are hemorrhaging. People are losing thousands of dollars from their pensions every minute. The housing market is in the tank. And we are engaged in a war. And you think people are going to take the time to pick up someone else's dog s$#@ and mail it to a lab so that they can impose a $25 fine and list the offender, Daisy the dachshund and her parents in the quarterly newsletter??!!

This team proceeds to tell me how big the business is going to be and I'll need to put together a public relations plan of attack in 24 hours.

Riiighhhhht. Here's the deal - I don't know if I need to put together a PR campaign to tell you that your little venture will be picked up as the most ridiculous news story of the day, provide another sign of the Apocalypse and give the world another reason to laugh at Americans.

It took exactly 27 minutes to leave the meeting, return to the office and call our madman to let him know that it wasn't a good fit for us. (23 of those minutes were drive time.)

It took 29 minutes for me to call Mr. News Readin' and give him the scoop (no pun intended) on the burgeoning business. This could be a big story for local news...

More at 11.

W.W.B.W.W

What Would Brian Williams Wear?

As far as fashion forward anchormen go...Brian Williams was rockin' the purple power tie well before the rest and obviously is fond of the self-tanner. Yum.

W.W.B.W.W is the super fun game we play on Sundays around 2:30 pm. That's when Mr. News Readin' starts asking about a clean white shirt and what ties he should festoon to be everyone's favorite Sunday night anchorman.

I don't mind that he seeks counsel regarding his attire. I'm flattered he appreciates my keen eye for what will read well on camera...but I just wish he would not ask me while I'm:

1) Catching up on DVR'd Oprah
2) Catching up on blog reading
3) Window shopping on the interwebz
4) Planning our weekly menu (Old El Paso Gordita kit, Weight Watchers Key Lime Pie yogurt)

I remain stationary during the entire exchange and shout out suggestions, while Dr. Oz tells me that I'm rotting by body from the inside out because I don't take fish oil supplements. (Whatever. I prefer lobster.)

Which leads to the real issue...his tie cycle.

Make no mistake, Mr. News Readin' knows exactly when he last wore a tie. It's insane. I'll suggest (shout) the Ben Silver blue and gray tie and he'll say, "No, no, no...I wore that two weeks ago when I did the story on slowing fireworks sales."

"Mmm, that's right." (Inside voice: Who has two hours to work out - Gwyneth Paltrow?!)

This man keeps his ties in color order on a rotating rack. Once a tie is worn it moves to another rack and is worked back into the rotation in a timely fashion. Three weeks is the minimum gap between wears. In my estimation, he owns 100 to 150 ties. Seems excessive, but I guess if he played professional basketball I wouldn't care how many hi-tops he owned. (I especially wouldn't care if he had a $10 million deal with Reebok and his John Hancock on the shoe. Anchorman endorsed tie deals just don't seem to be as lucrative...)

The organization and cycle of the tie-wearing borders on an Israeli military operation. Take no prisoners and never deviate from the plan of action...It amazes me. This is the same man who doesn't understand that pulling the laundry out of the dryer and wadding it up in a basket is not the last step in the laundering process.

And to complicate matters, he has new school clothes en route. Just like you may have gone shopping for white polo shirts and khaki pants to outfit your little ones, the News Readin' Husband ordered three new suits for the school year. Semi-custom. Because that's how he rolls.

This presents a whole new set of W.W.B.W.W. moments...because it always goes back to our on-air fashion inspiration:


And while we're at it - shall we take stock of Mr. News Readin' and BW's similarities...

Luxe locks
Natural looking bronzer
Stellar styling (obvi...)
Good at reading the news

Oh, fair Brian...your days in that chair are numbered.

Sunday Morning Amusement

On Sundays, I love sitting down with a cup of coffee and leisurely going through the paper.
I try my best to read it cover to cover, but often times lose steam around page 3, main news. (The news sleeps next to me every night. I'm well informed.)

I'm really glad I made it through the whole thing a few Sundays ago...or else I would have missed this gem by Stephanie Hayes of the St. Petersburg Times.

Somebody get this girl a Pulitzer...

Fashion cleanup in aisle 3, please!
By Stephanie Hayes, St. Petersburg Times

The other night, I had a case of crankypantsitis. Students of science and medicine know there is one prescription: cookie dough, Diet Coke and DVD’s.

My guy and I hit Blockbuster, then a very nice Publix. Once inside, I trembled in fear. I witnessed people wearing the following items of, er, apparel:

• Four pairs pajama pants
• Three “muscle” shirts (six male armpits)
• One halter dress, exposing dingy frayed bra on verge of snapping to liberty
• Too many dirty flip-flops to comprehend
• One tube top, and therewith, zero bra
• One t-shirt reading, I kid you not, “Boone’s Farm Babe”
• One pair mesh basketball shorts paired with braided leather businessman loafers, as if to say, “Was too busy watching ‘West Wing’ to find proper pants, but dang, I really needed this Moose Tracks ice cream.”
• A partial nipple

When did the supermarket stop being a public place? Why does the pursuit of Pizza Rolls make reasonable folks dress like escapees from the Wacko Jacko Institute of Boudoir Wear? I know we’re tired. We work hard and pay taxes. We dash out last minute, because, WHO ATE ALL THE TOASTER STRUDEL?

I’m not suggesting evening gowns for the store, or even lipstick. But people still SEE you. It’s not a racquet-club steam room. For the love of all things holy, we’re dealing with open-air food here! THINK OF THE TOMATOES.

I implore you, fair nation. Take back clothes at the supermarket!
A vote for pants is a vote for change!
(Paid for by the National Coalition to Keep Pajamas in Bedrooms Inc.)

Amen.

Confessions of News Readin' Wife

You know you're a bad News Readin' Wife when this happens...

Picture it - the copy room - 9:30 am

Co-worker: Saw your husband last night. He had on a great looking tie.

Mrs. News Readin': Oh, you did? Where?

Co-worker: On the news. (Awkward pause) You did know that's where he was last night.

Mrs. News Readin': Of course - the news. Right. Thanks for watching. (nervous laugh)

And...scene.

Just some notes on that little performance:

• She thought she was letting the cat out of the bag...like he's been moonlighting and I had no idea. Oy.
  
• Now she thinks we have some weird open marriage, live separate lives and only attend high profile events together.
• Wait. We don't go to high profile events.
• WTF. Why would I thank her for watching?! Sometimes I'm so awkward. Ugh.

And for the record, yes I did know where he was last night. I watched the 6:00 pm newscast.

I just always forget that other people can see him in the magic box, too.

But not a clue as to what tie he was wearing...damn. I need to be a better News Readin' Wife.

Black Hole Bust

Yay! We made it...

So pleased we didn't get sucked into a black hole last night. That would have been awful.

And I'm really glad I didn't postpone picking up the dry cleaning. Don't get me wrong - I toyed with the idea.

I figured if it all went bad, then at least I wouldn't be out $200 in chemical laundering - because I'm too lazy to buy more Dryel sheets.

But then I thought, what if we start getting sucked in and the only person to cover it is Mr. News Readin'?

His Big Break and he wouldn't have a lightly starched, white Thomas Pink shirt waiting for him in the closet?!

Ughh. I would be hurling myself into the damn hole to escape the complaining.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.