The Perils of Posting

The interwebs can be a wonderful place where you can find out Bradley Cooper's major at Georgetown, where the best Thai food in Boston can be devoured and keep in touch with your not so nearest and somewhat dearest with Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc.

My how small the world has become in just a few years!

We keep things relatively anonymous in the Breaking Newsroom. Mainly because I can't afford to pay Mr. News Readin's agent 4% for using his mug for mass consumption. True story. That guy is a piranha - but gets the job done.

Many of you do share images of you, your family and friends. Well - you may just find yourself emblazoned on outdoor boards in a foreign country if that Kodak moment is commercial print quality.

Check out this Mommy blogger's story.

Needless to say after that tale - the Breaking News Team will remain faceless. And if you can't take the suspense...I've got six spots left on Facebook before I shut 'er down. I'm serious. (Email me: mrs dot newsreadin at gmail dot com)

Not sure how I would feel if that happened to me and my family? What about you?
Inquiring minds would like to know...


Stay tuned. More at 11.

Talking Dirty...

Laundry - that is...

(It's Monday morning. Did you really think I would be going there this early in the week? Clean it up, gang.)

Having two active men in the News Readin' household has left me with lots of dirty boy, gym laundry. Ick. Other than burning the multitudes of mesh shorts, there seems to be no detergent that gets them really clean.

Enter, Win Detergent.



The official detergent of the US Olympics Team? Say no more.

Have to say, I've been pretty impressed with the results.


Yours in Achieving Laundry Gold Medal Glory,

Mrs. News Readin'



Stay Tuned. More at 11.

A Mother's Day What Not to Gift Guide

Mr. News Readin's lovely mother has a birthday that seems to squarely land on Mother's Day bi-annually. This year she is turning 60.

Guess who didn't figure this out until Tuesday night, while on the phone with his baby sister, our Wedding Belle? Their gift of choice: fruit of the month from Harry & David.

Seriously, gang? You still throw your dirty laundry down her laundry chute while home for the holidays...and she washes and folds it within minutes.

Fruit of the month?! Come on. That's what I sent our pet-sitter, Peggy, last year for Christmas.

So, our dynamic brother/sister duo went looking in a different direction.

The text read:
"I think we are going to get mom a schnoodle. What do you think?"

First I thought - you're getting your mother a German pastry? After a brief tour on the interwebs, I found out that schnoodles are poodle/schnauzer mixes. And super cute. See below.




I quickly responded to the text:
"That's a sh*t idea. She just barely unloaded you two."

Last night I overheard him ordering the monthly Tower o' Fruit.

Me: "You went with the fruit."
Mr. NR: "Well, I'm going to tell her we were going to get her a dog."


Nice strategy. Let her know it could have been much worse.


Stay tuned. More at 11.

Wedding Belle Update

As some of you may know - Mr. News Readin's sweet sister is tying the knot in October.

She has graciously asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. At first I was just simply honored - but now...now I am over the moon! Check out her bridesmaid dress pick:

Silk Taffeta Lorelei dress from J. Crew in Caspian Blue

It looks navy in the image, but it's really more of a cadet blue. And hellooo...it has pockets!

Every bridesmaid is relieved when the dress choice ends up being something they are not ashamed to wear in public or will be mistaken for a pageant gown or Halloween costume.

An illustration:

Married in a Whorehouse

She would NEVER pick this...but I've seen some doozies lately that have been chosen by perfectly normal girls. For example - a lavender Grecian drape halter dress. Trust me. It is way worse than it sounds. And it sounds pretty bad in my opinion. (My poor friend Jennifer was subjected to such an atrocity.)


Back to our Belle.

Guess who has been charged with shoe and accessory recommendations? OMG. I'm so excited - I can't even take it.

So, let's hear it from those of you who frequent the Breaking News Room. I know you are chocked-full of chic suggestions. I've got a few of my own already...to be posted at a later date.

I'm not kidding. You are officially being solicited for shoe and accessory finds. There may be some swag for my favorites...

Yours in Bridesmaid Bliss,
Mrs. News Readin'


Edited to add:
Contributing reporter Stereos and Souffles raised some good questions. Good woman!
The wedding ceremony is at 6:00 pm. The groomsmen are not wearing tuxes. Not sure if they have decided on khaki suits or tan trousers and navy sport coats. Flowers will be white.


Stay tuned for more Mrs. News Readin' takes over - ummm - I mean helps plan a wedding.

Some houseguests...

...do not stink after three days.

We are into week four of my brother's 13 week stay in Casa de News Readin'. So far - so good.

He has fixed a broken latch on our exterior front door, re-wired some old two-prong outlets and re-caulked our guest shower. Oh, and incredibly he knows how to take out the garbage, wipe down the counters, start dinner (without step-by-step instructions delivered by cell) and replace the paper towels.

On Thursday I came home and he was vacuuming. Without being asked to do so. Seriously.

Maybe he shouldn't be the man in this house to move out in 10 weeks.
Just kidding. (Not really.)


Stay tuned. More at 11.

Ding-Dong: It's Mom.

My mother made an impromptu trip across the Mason-Dixon this weekend to see the News Readin's and deliver my brother for a 13-week visit. (Don't worry we'll get to that at a later date...)

For her, impromptu means 40 phone calls and a daily weather update. Not to mention - a Xanax refill for yours truly.

As I am not one to veil my impatience or general irritation with the behavior of another - she arrived bearing gifts to smooth over the harassment leading up to her descent...err...I mean - trials and tribulations of trip planning. Oh, and because she knows I desperately miss the retail bliss of New York.

As soon as I saw the Plaza Too bag, all was forgiven.




Mystique Turquoise Flip-Flop
I have two other pairs of Mystique jeweled/embellished flip-flops and l-o-v-e them. They take a casual summer outfit and instantly dress it up. Jewelry for your feet...and really comfortable.



KORS by Michael Kors Andres Moc in Green Patent
Cuter on than depicted. Worship the green color! Am dying to wear them with cropped white jeans and a navy bateau neck tee.


We waxed nostalgic over shoe purchases at Plaza Too in Bronxville, NY...for senior prom - sensible Stuart Weitzmans and my first big girl shoe purchase after landing a gig at Sotheby's- Miu Miu slingbacks...ahhh - memories.

Reminiscing didn't make her completely forget that she has no grandchildren, but it slipped her mind for a moment or two.

Yours in new shoe nirvana,

Mrs. News Readin'

Psst...take advantage of their Style Stimulus through April 15.

How to be better than Grandma...

...in the eyes of a child. Momentarily.

My first name is fairly common, but my mother had a late-seventies moment (as in the 1970's) and replaced an "i" with a "y" and well - the rest is history. A history riddled with tears on vacations because I couldn't get a license plate for my Strawberry Shortcake bike...or barrettes for my hair...not even a pencil with my misspelled "y" for an "i" name.

Damn. Life was tough. Thankyouverymuch, Mother.

My own life experience is probably the sole reason why I am a fervent believer that gifts should be personalized. Because you just can...

Recently I've started bestowing the ever growing number of minis in my life books from Frecklebox.

What is more fun than an entire birthday book with your name spelled out on cakes every other page or a coloring book complete with fire engines and your name in big letters? The seven year-old in me says, "Nothing better.."


Preview the Birthday Book here.



Preview the Rev It Up coloring book here.



Preview the My Name is Book here.


They have a good selection and even a book for new big brothers and sisters. My guess is if the book has their name in it - it will lessen the blow of a new baby. Good idea.

Which would have been nice to have when my parents told me about the best Christmas present ever...my younger brother born December 27.

Mmmm. Not quite. See I was thinking more along the lines of the Strawberry Shortcake bake shoppe shaped like a strawberry.

And to add insult to injury - his name is totally normal and afforded him all of the personalized tchotchkes imaginable.

It's a miracle that I'm not more medicated...


More at 11.

The Parent of the Year Competition Heats Up

Watch out, Campbells!

There is a new grossly irresponsible adult in the running for Parent(s) of the Year.

Can we get a round of applause for the thoroughly audacious, mentally disturbed, new mom to eight preemies and six (7) year-old children - Nadya Suleman formerly Guiterrez?!

As a taxpayer, I would like to personally thank Nadya for including me in the medical miracle that are her octuplets. First for the two months she has spent on bed rest at Bellflower Medical Center and second for the $200,000 birth of her babies affectionately called, A through H.

Ms. Suleman,
It takes a special person to pursue IVF based on the following:

• being unemployed
• living with their mother (who recently declared bankruptcy)
• has SIX other children

The ASPCA wouldn't let you adopt a kitten, and yet someone thought helping you out with eight embryos was a great idea.

Being a burden to society as an adult is one thing , but forcing 14 children to be a part of your repugnant freak show is sickening and deplorable.

I am pleased to hear that you have taken the typical route for all spotlight hungry low lives - by hiring an agent and planning to support yourself by pimping your babies and your sad, pathetic story to news outlets and talk shows - oh and pursue a career as a tv childcare expert.

Absolutely! Who wouldn't take your word as gospel on parenting??!!

Nadya, dear - the sooner your story fades from our eyes and ears, we the public (who are bankrolling your little tribe), will be better off. Your children on the other hand will suffer significantly. They will never know a normal life and will one day know the truth behind their birth. What to do then, tv childcare expert? Surely you can get a group discount for 14 children in therapy.

In your acceptance speech be sure to thank the immoral and soon-to-be without a license fertility doctor who impregnated you and the 46-strong medical team at Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center, especially these three below.

Dr. Mandhir Gupta, the neonatologist who helped with the delivery and his colleague, Dr. Karen E. Maples, chief of service for obstetrics and gynecology, along with Harold Henry were all smiles discussing your "strength" and all of the dirty diapers in your future. Awww, gee.


You surely couldn't be the mother of 14 you are today without the gang at Bellflower and their media relations person, who probably sobbed with joy over the good fortune in landing your side show.

And let me thank you Ms. Suleman, for providing another shining example that even me and Mr. News Readin' could be better parents than you.

Most sincerely,

Mrs. News Readin'

This just in...for real.

LIVE from the Breaking Newsroom

Here's an update on a story we've been following for you - just filed by our on-scene reporter, Leslie Ruth with affiliate Diary of a Southern Drama Queen.


Remember these idiots? Frontrunners for Parents of the Year:

Mr. & Mrs. Campbell and little Adolph Hitler

Apparently the state of New Jersey and the Division of Youth and Family Services decided that picking your kids' names out of the best-selling book "1,001 Nazi Names for your Baby" might be the tip of the iceberg of bad judgment calls.

According to the AP, the children were removed from their home. Details have yet to be released. You can read the full story here.

Sad, sad, sad. My heart breaks for those poor children.


Thank you to Leslie Ruth for that report.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Santa was here...Now prove it with pictures!

As a child, I was convinced that Santa had been to our house simply because all the cookies were eaten and that nice glass of Macallan we left him was empty. (Our Santa drank highland single malt scotch whisky. What of it?) And there were presents.

Kids today are smarter than that. They have cell phones and Wii's. All I had was a Muppet album and a Jem doll that had little lights for earrings. Technologically advanced? Not exactly.

If you are going to keep running this Santa charade for as long as possible, better figure out a way to make your minis really believe. (I hear that the whole..."I'm going to tell Santa" has excellent behavioral modification results.)

Here's your weapon of choice: Capture the Magic.

Snap a picture of your Christmas tree setting. Upload it to the website and drop in one of their many Santa options and voilà! Photographic proof that Santa had indeed slid down your chimney.

Here are some examples:





Disclaimer: I haven't used it, but a co-worker said it was so simple a monkey could do it. Which made me think it could be kind of tricky because monkeys are actually highly intelligent. But, then I remembered the co-worker is not that smart...so it should be a freakin' breeze.

Merry Christmas!

Mrs. News Readin'

Christmas on the Coast

The in-laws pulled the short straw and unfortunately have to put up with me for the holidays.
So, we are packing up the car and headed to the Golden Isles of south Georgia. (I know, poor us.)

More importantly - I am headed to the TIBI outlet store, where deals and heaven share the same space in a shopping plaza.

The Breaking News team will be checking in with live, up to the minute coverage of The Holidays from the coast.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Frontrunners for Parents of the Year

We here at Breaking News (Mr. News Readin' and I) pride ourselves on being able to spot ill-equipped parents at fifty paces.

Not because we have children. To the contrary - because we don't. We recognize our lacking skill set to meet the challenges of parentdom and wish others would be equally as honest with themselves.

For example, our cat is sometimes forced to eat dog food because we forget to buy kitty food. In the parent realm that could mean our tot might have to survive on Riesling if we're out of milk.

Big Neon Sign flashing...WE SHOULD NOT PROCREATE.

Then we come across people like the Wentzs and these fine folks from New Jersey - who force their idiocy on their poor innocent children and are surprised when the world (or at least a ShopRite bakery employee) receives them coolly. Read the full story here.

Mr. & Mrs. Campbell and little Adolph Hitler

Hey, jackasses...err...I mean Mr. & Mrs. Campbell, naming your children Adolf Hitler and JoyceLynn Aryan Nation is nothing short of absolute stupidity, not to mention in the poorest of tastes. (JoyceLynn alone is criminal.)

Why not put a little more effort into your dental care and their education and a little less time using a Sharpie to put a toothbrush moustache on your 3-year-old...and forcing your small mindedness on America's future.

Oh, and nobody is buying your German descent bullsh*t. K?

But, thank you...

For renewing our confidence in the fact that even we would be better parents than you two jokers.

The Breaking News Team

The Yankees are coming

The Yankees have in fact, already breached the City K limits...

My parents arrived on Wednesday evening to celebrate Thanksgiving below the Mason-Dixon with me, Mr. News Readin', Putter and Pearl. My younger brother, otherwise known as The Prince, arrived Thursday morning.

This is my family's first trip to City K and I'm not sure what they were expecting.

More than once my mother asked if we had a department store. Ummm...yes. We actually have two malls with a couple of different ones. A Bloomingdale's? No. Ya' got me! City K minus five points in mom's book.

My father quizzed Mr. News Readin' incessantly about our house. Do we have termites? What was the pressure of our gas line? And the holiday highlight - what do you pay in city taxes? However, he was very impressed with the close proximity of public parking to our downtown area. City K picks up five point from Dad.

In a stunning turn of events, City K was deducted ten points when my father got lost going through a detour for some interstate construction. He said there were no signs. (Then how did he know it was a detour...hmmm???)

The Prince enjoyed our temperatures in the mid-50's and even pounded out a three-mile run in a t-shirt and shorts. He became downright giddy when he saw gas for $1.61 a gallon. City K earns five points.

I'm not positive - but I think they were surprised that our floors weren't dirt and our neighbors didn't have a pop-up camper parked on the front lawn. If only I had picked up some moonshine for an after dinner drink...just to lend the trip some sort of stereotypical authenticity.

T-minus 12 hours until everyone makes their way back to the Empire State, leaving Mr. News Readin' and I to bask once again in our solitary Southern serenity.

Dinner was great. Loved having y'all.



Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and is recovering nicely from any stuffing induced hangovers!