Thursday, December 18, 2008

Frontrunners for Parents of the Year

We here at Breaking News (Mr. News Readin' and I) pride ourselves on being able to spot ill-equipped parents at fifty paces.

Not because we have children. To the contrary - because we don't. We recognize our lacking skill set to meet the challenges of parentdom and wish others would be equally as honest with themselves.

For example, our cat is sometimes forced to eat dog food because we forget to buy kitty food. In the parent realm that could mean our tot might have to survive on Riesling if we're out of milk.

Big Neon Sign flashing...WE SHOULD NOT PROCREATE.

Then we come across people like the Wentzs and these fine folks from New Jersey - who force their idiocy on their poor innocent children and are surprised when the world (or at least a ShopRite bakery employee) receives them coolly. Read the full story here.

Mr. & Mrs. Campbell and little Adolph Hitler

Hey, jackasses...err...I mean Mr. & Mrs. Campbell, naming your children Adolf Hitler and JoyceLynn Aryan Nation is nothing short of absolute stupidity, not to mention in the poorest of tastes. (JoyceLynn alone is criminal.)

Why not put a little more effort into your dental care and their education and a little less time using a Sharpie to put a toothbrush moustache on your 3-year-old...and forcing your small mindedness on America's future.

Oh, and nobody is buying your German descent bullsh*t. K?

But, thank you...

For renewing our confidence in the fact that even we would be better parents than you two jokers.

The Breaking News Team


Kim said...

Quite a little family, no? My husband and I were dying when we read about them!

Legallyblondemel said...

Well said, Mrs. News Readin, well said.

I feel like we should start a little fund for the intense therapy those children are surely going to require. Seriously.