We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for this special report.
The scene: City K grocery store - Checkout line #6
The witness: Yours truly
The crime: "Holy smokes" inappropriateness courtesy of Cosmopolitan magazine
There I was...ready to breeze through "How to lose 50 lbs. by breathing and eating cake!" in everyone's health bible (First magazine), when I spotted the December issue of Cosmo.
Damn near blinded by J. Simpson's ample bosom, I blinked a few times to make sure I was reading everything correctly. Sadly, I was...
1. Total Body Sex.
Reallly??? Multi-tasking Americans everywhere have been practicing Partial Body Sex? This whole time doing laundry, yard work, vacuuming and enjoying the company of someone special. How inefficient am I?
2. Sexy vs Skanky.
Hmmm...Cosmo, I think one should refrain from weighing in on such a discussion when one is wholly skanky.
3. How to Outsmart a Date Rapist.
So you are providing tips to attract super hot guys and 15 pages later outlining how to hoodwink any that are degenerates and violent. Nice messaging. Stick to sexy vs skanky. Let Marie Claire handle the more serious topics. K?
4. Your Orgasm Face.
Gross. How desperate are you for content? Ugh.
Has Cosmo always been this ridiculous or am I just showing my age? Not to mention - Children can read. Children accompany their parents to the store and wait impatiently in the check-out line. Even though I am not a mother, I would be furious if I had to explain "orgasm face" to my nine year-old.
If we wanted to be visually accosted by an ample bosom splashed across a cover, promising the keys to keeping your man happy...well, we know where to look:
Nothing makes Mr. News Readin' happier than a bowl of chili. Hot, sexy, turkey chili.
Take that, Cosmo.
We now return to your regularly scheduled program.
1 hour ago