Saturday, December 6, 2008

The Mommy Mafia Strikes Again

Part II of our ongoing in-depth investigation.

The City K Mommy Mafia had been keeping a low profile since our first report. Their recruiting has slowed down significantly. (Probably because there are only a handful of us Smug Marrieds in City K who are without children.) Only once in the past two months have I gotten the pity stare for being married five years and sans enfants.

Although, I feel that may have asked for assistance outside their jurisdiction. Happy Homemaker asked me if I had any special news to share with my parents over Thanksgiving dinner and if so, she would like to be privy to such news.

I bet you would, HH. I bet you would.

On to our lead story...

Mr. News Readin' and I send out a holiday picture card every year, except last year when we did super cute Robyn Miller moving announcements. It's usually a shot of us at an event or local landmark that will amuse our loved ones and friends who enjoy life in more cosmopolitan locales.

I give you Exhibit A:

There we were living the good life in Western Nebraska. (Putter is in my arms. She was so little!)

I brought up the annual Christmas card picture selection the other night to Mr. News Readin', quickly realizing someone had already broached the subject with him.

He responded with, "We really need some kids for the Christmas card picture. Sending a picture of ourselves is getting old. We're not newlyweds."

What. the. hell. I'm not sure when the Mommies got to him, but it was obvious he was parroting the exact lines they had so skillfully planted.

"Where do you suppose we get a few for this year's card? I'm short on time."

My guess is that last week when he popped over to the Fresh Market to pick up soup for me - it all went down quickly, surrounded by Mommies in the prepared food section.

I know how it works...He's got a container of lentil soup in his cart and they swoop in and suggest the macaroni & cheese. (Their knowledge for weak spots is incredible - BEWARE.)

"I'm supposed to bring home something healthy," he says.

"Ahhh...but the macaroni & cheese has five cheeses. Think of all the calcium..." the Mommies say in hushed tones. His eyes glaze over and next thing I know he's talking about which of our spare bedrooms would make the better nursery.

Will they stop at nothing? Poor thing. He probably didn't even know what happened.

At my Junior League meeting the other night, I found out that a staunch hold out Smug Married was expecting.

"You're next," they whispered.

Was my Ginger Ale punch spiked with a cocktail of pheromones and pre-natal vitamins? I poured it out in a ficus tree by the door.

Not so fast, Mommies. I've got a wedding to attend in Spain in September. Like hell I'm showing up to that pregnant, surrounded by gorgeous Spaniards.

There will be a shower in a few weeks for the now defunct and expecting - staunch holdout. I know the drill, but I fear it's too late for Mr. News Readin'.

Now a "made man" in the ranks of the Mommy Mafia, he's talking about test driving strollers and whether we should go with Benjamin Moore Lemonade or Butter on the nursery walls.

We will continue to follow this developing story.

1 comment:

Legallyblondemel said...

Noooo, Mr. News Readin!! Don't let the Smug Mommies ensnare you in their nefarious web of patronizing pacifiers!

Love the Nebraska Christmas card pic.