It's not an Emmy. But, we'll take it.

Acknowledgement for a job well done in Mr. News Readin's real newsroom is tough to come by.

Yes - we joke that he merely touches up the bronzer, straightens the tie, clears his throat a few times and reads the teleprompter to the masses. In actuality, he does quite a bit of work and a whole lot of schlepping around to gain interviews and sound bites for our viewing pleasure.

July is sweeps. This means all of a sudden you are watching in-depth reports on bus driver drug use and the dangers of pools in the backyards of foreclosed homes. The good stuff...

The NRH sweeps story covered the transport of coal fly ash from a spill area not far from here to a very poor county in Alabama. And we're not talking about one train car of this stuff. More like 1.1 billion gallons that will take an entire year to remove.

For this fine moment of reporting he was awarded - drum roll, please...
the Reporter of the Week!

Here is a snippet from his News Director's email, which he forwarded me (big mistake):

For the first time in a while I can officially call the Reporter of the Week a “landslide winner. “
Mr. News Readin is this week’s winner for his “Ash to Alabama” stories.

First I’d like to give Mr. NR credit for coming up with this idea as his one sweeps suggestion for July.
(Our guy thought it was that solid he only submitted one! My! The confidence...)

His co-workers wrote:

“Anyone who watched it won’t forget the line “smells like money.”
“Any journalist who can get a politician to sniff fly-ash on tape is pretty good.”
“He asked the right questions, made excellent points in his stand-ups."

Others receiving votes this week:
Jill for her second massage parlor bust story and her substitute teacher lawsuit story.
Whitney -- for her follow-up on the local church that burned down.

(I left that last part in because for some reason it made me laugh...)

We are so proud...Of course there was a celebratory dinner last night - consisting of beer and cheeseburgers by special request of the honoree.

If they made bumper stickers that said, "I'm the proud wife of a Reporter of the Week" - it would already be on the back of the Tahoe.

Stay tuned. More at 11.

Sound bite of the Week

When covering local news, especially a story that involves a crime, natural disaster or "The Man" sticking it to the little guy - a news reader always looks for the person who is jockeying to provide commentary or an eyewitness account.

More often than not, these folks are dying to be on TEEvee, no matter what the scenario and believe they were born ready for their close-up.

They usually resemble a "before" in a "before and after" montage for a cosmetic dentistry practice or is the type of person that gets ambushed for a makeover show at an amusement park, while eating a deep-fried turkey leg.

Many times they are without a shirt or the proper underpinnings to support their bosom. Often accompanied by a family member or members, that stand behind them during the interview making faces or shouting, "Hey Granny!"

If you have no idea who this person is - you are this person. So keep on keepin' on, because you make for some stellar local tv moments.

And now to our sound bite of the week.

The News Readin' Husband was covering an inordinate amount of rescues a local fire department had to perform on a swollen river. The recent rains in this neck of the woods has caused an otherwise lazy river to become rapid. A favorite spot for tubing, many have found themselves tossed over and requiring the assistance of the authorities.

This scenario baffled me.

Me: "Why are the companies that rent these tubes not cautioning people or not renting them at all?"
Mr. NR: "It's not their job to play lifeguard and they don't own the river."
Me: "Well, why isn't there some flag system - like on the beach in Mexico. I mean hell...if they can deter spring breakers with a black flag..."
Mr. NR: "There isn't one entry point and it's an ineffective system for this type of body of water."
Me: "Certainly the city or the county should be able to do something...a law, an ordinance...something"
Mr. NR: sliding into his South Georgia accent -"Honey, you can't legislate stupid."

All of a sudden I had a vision of him in his suit without a shirt, chomping down on a deep-fried turkey leg.

Someone has been spending too much time amongst the people.


We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Hair Today. Gone Tomorrow.

Last week during the Breaking News Team's (damn near) daily trip to Fresh Market, we were dealt an incredible blow.

The News Readin' Husband having just left the comfortable, herb-y smelling confines of the Aveda Salon, was perfectly coiffed but looking a little glum. Usually his post-snip self preens around and says things like, "My girl said that I should let it grow a little up top for texture."

Uh-huh...you read right, "his girl."

After milling about the prepared food section disinterested in even macaroni and cheese, he finally offered up:

"Nicole might be leaving."

Quickly I ran through mental images of reporters or producers at his station. But, then I remembered - he cares little for his co-workers. No, dear reader, this was much worse.

"Her husband just got his MBA and can't find a job - so, they might leave City K."

Gasp. His girl aka hair stylist could be vacating her station at the salon - leaving our favorite news reader without someone to tame his locks.

Having just cemented his relationship with Nicole with his 12th visit, I knew this would take some consoling. After all - it was just over six months ago that he had to experience the dread "cut and run" from his stalker/ex-hair stylist.

Me: "Maybe you could start seeing my girl." (I know...but it's language he can relate to...not a time to get technical with hair stylist or actually use her name.)

Mr. NR: *Big sigh* "I guess, but Nicole knows exactly how to cut my hair. I just don't feel like starting over."

The Inside Voice: I hear ya' buddy and so do millions of American women who are dating mediocre men - but sometimes we just need to move on...

Mr. NR: "And besides your girl isn't a Master Stylist. I saw the list."

Me: "Is that why your haircut costs just $10 less than mine?!"

Mr. NR: "You get what you pay for..."

Hmph.

I've said it once - and I'll say it again...sometimes it's tough being married to a man who would look better in my Old Navy lounge pants, knows what concealer is, garners more interest from inmates than I do, and now added to that list...uses the term Master Stylist and references some secret list shared with him by the girls at the salon check-in desk. Seriously.


Stay tuned for more on this late breaking story.

DIY Segment: It's 11:00 pm - do you know where your husband is...?

I'll tell you where mine wasn't tonight...home. Fixing stuff.

At 11:00 pm on a Wednesday, my husband was on a play date over at his friend, Clint the Bachelor's house. Clint recently bought a ping pong table and set it up in what should be his formal dining room. Good for him. Of course - Mr. News Readin' is totally envious of this quote "killer" set-up. So, he's spent the evening over there soaking up as much as beer drinking and ping pong he can manage on a school night.

Normally, I could care less about him drinking beer with his buddies. Not today.

Today I arrived home to find the top of our toilet tank in the middle of the bathroom floor, surrounded by our good towels. I'm no plumber - but this did not look like a good thing.

He told me that this morning he had been fiddling with something and a geyser of toilet water starting spraying everywhere. According to my brother - it's a quick fix with a $20 kit from Lowe's. Great!

So explain to me, oh love of my life, why your little self was pretending to be the Jan-Ove Waldner (Swedish Ping Pong Champion) of City K instead of fixing our toilet?

His response:
"I'm just going to call our guy tomorrow."

Let's get one thing straight dear - he is your guy. You helped pay for his pontoon boat. Your guy.
This go round - if he starts talking about the house he's building in Aspen, I will freak out. On the both of you. Consider yourself warned.


Yours with fingers crossed but absolutely no faith in having a working toilet by the weekend,
Mrs. News Readin'


Stay tuned. More at 11.

A Mother's Day What Not to Gift Guide

Mr. News Readin's lovely mother has a birthday that seems to squarely land on Mother's Day bi-annually. This year she is turning 60.

Guess who didn't figure this out until Tuesday night, while on the phone with his baby sister, our Wedding Belle? Their gift of choice: fruit of the month from Harry & David.

Seriously, gang? You still throw your dirty laundry down her laundry chute while home for the holidays...and she washes and folds it within minutes.

Fruit of the month?! Come on. That's what I sent our pet-sitter, Peggy, last year for Christmas.

So, our dynamic brother/sister duo went looking in a different direction.

The text read:
"I think we are going to get mom a schnoodle. What do you think?"

First I thought - you're getting your mother a German pastry? After a brief tour on the interwebs, I found out that schnoodles are poodle/schnauzer mixes. And super cute. See below.




I quickly responded to the text:
"That's a sh*t idea. She just barely unloaded you two."

Last night I overheard him ordering the monthly Tower o' Fruit.

Me: "You went with the fruit."
Mr. NR: "Well, I'm going to tell her we were going to get her a dog."


Nice strategy. Let her know it could have been much worse.


Stay tuned. More at 11.

Late Breaking Story

Today I was feeling sweeter than normal and decided to give the News Readin' Husband a call during lunch to see what he was working on for our evening enjoyment.

Our conversation went a little something like this...

Me: Hey, what's the story of the day?

Mr. NR: Oh, just sitting at some health department press conference talking about swine flu. Did you know that pigs pass the flu virus - just like humans? Interesting.

Me: Did you ask if you can catch anything else from the little buggers? Or any other livestock for that matter? I mean, seriously. We need to know.

Mr. NR: (snidely) No, I did not ask if we can catch things from other livestock. I also didn't ask how fast a cheetah really runs. It was a press conference about swine flu.

Me: Whatever. Hmph.

And, scene.


Well, that's the last time I try to help him create the next media frenzy.

Off to figure out why we can't just call it pig flu,

Mrs. News Readin'

The Other May 5th Celebration

While you may be off swilling tequila to kill any traces of the swine flu and eating enough Mexican food to claim you actually have it - all in honor of Mexican Independence, of course...

The Breaking News Team is celebrating the other May 5th holiday.


It is our favorite news reader (aside from the husband) - Brian Williams' birthday. B-Dub, as he is affectionately called around the Breaking Newsroom, turns a crowd-pleasing 50 years old today.

I don't know if it's the new self-tanner or the never-repeated Carlo Franco seven fold ties, but our fair Brian is looking particularly handsome as of late.

We do love a news reader that doesn't take himself too seriously and is as comfortable on a late night talk show as he is scanning the ole' teleprompter Monday through Friday. And we would be remiss to not compliment his wit and comedic timing. (Did you catch his 30 Rock moment? In a word - brilliant.)

See?! He even gets along with those that mock him professionally. What a guy.

In honor of this auspicious occasion we will dining on a meal complete with all of B-Dub's favorite epicurean delights accessible in City K - from Cracker Barrel and Cinnabon. Sadly Le Cirque has yet to franchise in this neck of the woods, as hell has not frozen over.



So, cheers to Brian! One day older...and closer to vacating that highly coveted anchor chair.

Law and Order: Special News Reader Unit

Driving is not in my wheelhouse. Quoting the movie Heathers, being seated next to the most emotionally unstable person on any plane and making crêpes - on the other hand - are all me.

An illustration: it took three tries to pass my road test. From 1999-2003, I can count on two hands how many times I operated a motor vehicle. These stats did not exactly inspire confidence in the News Readin' Husband upon marriage and the addition of moi to his car insurance policy.

Recently, he seemed slightly perturbed when I reported being inconvenienced one morning in early February, while driving through a school zone by an officer of the law. By inconvenienced, I mean stopped for doing 50 mph in a 25 mph zone. Oops. You would think he would be numb to such moments after five + years of marriage.

To add to my not so bright and shiny morning, I couldn't locate my most current insurance card. If only he had stopped me prior to October 2008...Dammit.

Guess who missed her court date and has yet to pay her ticket? I know - my brilliance and incredible sense of responsibility are overwhelming. Mr. NR is not pleased. At all.

Yesterday I contacted the City K traffic court to discuss my errr...dilemma and had the pleasure of reaching Terry, who is four months away from retirement, a stickler for the law and lucky for me - a fan of a certain New Readin' Husband. Yahtzee.

Or so I thought.


Me: I'm calling in regards to ticket number 1234XYZ

Terry: Ohhh...let's see what we have here...speeding in a school zone and no proof of insurance. And you missed your court appearance! Tsk, tsk.

Me: Yes, well, sorry about all that. Could I just mail my payment to the court?

Terry: Miss News Readin' - is it? We'll be sending a patrol car for you shortly.

Me: (insert the sound of crickets and shallow breathing)

Terry: Just kiddin', honey...just kiddin'! Are you related to Mr. News Readin' on Channel 6?

Me: Yes, he is my husband. (blood returning to my face)

Terry: Is he really!? We watch him all the time...he does such a nice job covering the city.

Me: Thank you.

Terry: Just come on down and pay your ticket anytime between 8-5. And how bout you bring Mr. News Readin' along with you? We can put his picture up on our Wall of Fame.

Me: Sure! Will that knock my fine down?
(insert laughter - I mean, we're practically best friends by now)

Terry: (icily) No. You will still owe City K $293 for your serious traffic violation.

Me: Right. Of course.


Sheez. What happened to the Wall of Fame and all the honey talk?!

Another fine example of how local celeb (ha!) does not put you above the law. Although, I bet Terry will be singing a different song when Mr. News Readin' rolls in there on my arm, wearing a purple power tie and a bit of bronzer...

School zone will turn into seatbelt real fast.



Stay tuned. More at 11.

Illustating the Differences Between the Sexes: Part II

Part II of our ongoing series...

The other night we were enjoying a bit of tv, when the Diet Coke commercial featuring Heidi Klum invaded our line of vision. It could be worse...I know this...at least she is promoting The Heart Truth / Red Dress Collection - raising awareness about women's heart health.

Mr. News Readin', experiencing a bit of an epiphany, stated:

"Men are sitting ducks. No one is out there promoting awareness for men's health issues. Women go to the doctor for every little thing. Men don't go to the doctor until their friends stop fronting them their ED meds..." (Interesting point.)

The rant continued:
"When is someone going to organize a walk, run or even a freakin' three legged race for men's medical issues?"

Hmmm...I sense something bigger going on here.

Me: "Well, what about all the work Katie Couric does for colorectal cancer awareness?"

Mr. NR: "That's not what I mean..."

Me: "Oh - you want to know why some other supermodel isn't promoting men's heart disease prevention in a tight red dress."

Mr. NR: "Exactly."


Even during a moment of true concern for the well being of his fellow men, it all comes down to a hot girl.

Way to rally for the cause, dear.



Stat tuned.
More at 11.

Honey it's for you...it's that inmate again.

Grab a drink. This is long one...My apologies.

A few weeks back I mentioned all of the attention a certain News Readin' Husband was garnering from the male portion of the viewing audience. (Now we know how Hugh Jackman feels...just kidding...we have no idea how he feels, but imagine it to be yummy in an insanely hot Aussie way.)

Wait, where am I? Oh, yes. Inmate communique.

For an entire weekend we received calls from a service called Pay Tel Communications that provides the phone services for various correctional facilities. And at all times of the day...3:30 pm on Saturday to 8:15 am on Sunday.

The phone would ring, I would pick it up and a very chipper recording would say,
"This is Pay Tel Communications and you are receiving a call from (insert self-recorded name of inmate Dave), an inmate at the Blank County Correctional Facility..."

If the message were anymore delightful, I would have brought a bundt cake to Dave and asked the Pay Tel Communications lady to join my tap dance class. (True story.)

After a few of these, I grew tired of tearing myself away from DVR'd Top Chef and stalking an antique suzani on Ebay to answer. So I tried to call Pay Tel directly to see if they could remove/block our number or maybe just let Dave down easy and say that the News Readin's are no longer accepting phone calls - only Facebook friend requests.

Incredibly, not a single human being works at Pay Tel. So I had to contact our phone service provider, who immediately deemed me insensitive to those serving time.

Me: "We keep receiving phone calls from the County Correctional Facility and I would like to block all the exchanges through Pay Tel."
Comcast: "Do you know someone at the jail?"
Me: "No and I'm not trying to get to know someone at the jail either..."
Comcast: " Well, it could just be that you have the number of an old friend and they are trying to reach them."
Me: "I sort of don't give a sh&% who they think they're calling - I don't want Pay Tel Communications to show up on my caller id again. Ever. Let's make it happen, Sport."
Comcast: "You should probably just take one call from them and let them know they have the wrong number and they'll stop calling."
Me: "Actually, Steve - I don't think they have the wrong number. But, I'll be happy to give them your extension at Comcast, so that when their 90 days are up for assault they can ring you to grab a coffee and just talk."
Comcast: "Have a nice day."
Me: "It's not looking good right now."

And, scene.

There is a limit to blocked phone numbers - 13 total. For most, blocking 13 numbers from reaching you would be sufficient - save for Bernie Madoff. However, in this case the County Correctional Facility / Pay Tel have wayyyy more than just 13 exchanges. So, even though I blocked all of the numbers I could, Dave & Pay Tel could still reach out and touch us from behind bars. (Sleeping with the lights on at night kinda-scary...)

Enter Mr. News Readin' and his close ties (and mutually programmed cell phone numbers) with The Law and specifically the 40+ administrative assistant in the Sheriff's Office, Shantall, who thinks he's hotter than Memphis in August. Let's be honest - you know she runs the damn show. He provided Dave's name and a list of the dates and times of the phone calls to our home.

With one simple phone call - I went from screening calls from Dave and my mother - to just my mother. Whew!

When I asked Mr. News Readin' who the inmate was...when this joker was getting out ...what he was in for, etc. (because it would be kind of nice to know if we are dealing with a petty thief or a rapist) - he said, "Oh, I didn't even ask."

You're a reporter and you didn't even ask any questions!!?? A little less time touching up your bronzer and a little more time getting the story - K?

Just to be on the safe side, the Sheriff's cell phone number is now programmed into my cell. Which could lead me to a cozy little cell next to Dave given my penchant for intoxicated texting and growing disdain for the renters behind us who play their music too loudly...


Stay tuned.
More at 11.

DIY Segment: How to Bankroll Your Plumber's Boat

When our master bath toilet started being temperamental four months ago, I begged the News Readin' Husband "to deal."

He snaked it about 26 times over the following weeks. When snaking stopped working, he marched up to our local hardware store to purchase a bottle of "It'll Take a Car Door off Its Hinges and Should be Handled in a Haz-mat Suit."

We had a big ceremony over the toilet as he poured out the whole bottle. I was suspect to this, confident that not only were we burning a whole through our pipes, but were not going to fix the problem. But I was reassured with, "The guy at the hardware store said it should do the trick."

The Inside Voice whispered, "If the guy at the hardware store is so well-versed on plumbing, why isn't he out there charging $100 an hour?" I silently agreed.

Shocker. Guess what didn't work? The only person surprised in all this is the News Readin' Husband. Even Putter knew better, who bolted from the scene to her Happy Place on the J. Adler.




"I can't believe that guy at the hardware store sold me me that stuff..."
Yep. Me neither.

Hours before my family descended on City K to celebrate Thanksgiving, he finally contacted a plumber we had used to repair a leak a few months back. (That time he couldn't come right away because he was out on his brand new pontoon boat. Hmmm.) The over-the-phone prognosis was that we needed a new toilet. So, the News Readin' Husband told him to go ahead and buy one and bring it over.

WHAT?! I'm sorry, but have you lost your damn mind? A new toilet installation? How does he know what kind of toilet we need? (Assuming there are differences....) All for the price of $1,250. Sorry, Doctor - I'm going to need a second opinion.

He eventually called another plumber, who came out to actually see our temperamental toilet. Imagine that? And the prognosis: there was a pen or toothbrush lodged in the pipe and his snake was big enough to get to it...(insert 9th grade giggling.) No new toilet necessary and left with my favorite parting words of any repairman, "I'll send a bill in a few weeks, just in case it acts up again and I have to pay you another visit." If he had been peddling life insurance, I would have bought some for me, the dog and the cat right then and there.

Of course the next chapter became - Who Put the Toothbrush Down the Toilet? dun-dun-dun.
Since everyone in this house is over the age of seven, it was pretty difficult to nail down the culprit. Mr. NR swears its me.

Yes, dropped the ol' Sonic Care in the bowl and said, "Ahh - screw it. (flush)." Not quite.

The moral of this story is being a good News Reader does not necessarily mean you are a Handy Husband. And, we are not allowed to go to the hardware store by ourselves or talk to the plumber with the big pontoon boat ever again.

More at 11.

Fan Mail. Male Fans.

Let me open by saying, I do not consider the News Readin' husband a celebrity. Others, who obviously do not know the man I am married to beyond his daily television moments - do.

How sad for them.

Mr. News Readin's fan base tends to be 65+, doesn't drive after dark and watches Wheel of Fortune nightly. In other words - old ladies. But in a surprising departure - throughout his news reading career, gay men, have also expressed interest in our favorite anchorman. You recall this joker from PA.

Prior to me being the Mrs., he was residing in far western Nebraska, reading news nightly for approximately 200 viewers and a couple of folks in Wyoming. (That number is a slight exaggeration...it may have been 185.) Not being the savviest of souls, he decided to keep his home telephone number published for public consumption. Super smart.

It started with a few hang ups on the answering machine, calls in the middle of the night and then the letters started coming to the station.

"Mark" found Mr. News Readin' to be friendly and attractive - on air. Mark suggested a very discreet, friendly meeting "just to talk" in a parking lot. Mmm...yes. Nothing says discretion and friendly like meeting a stranger in a public parking lot, Mark. Save the ambiance and intimacy of an interstate rest stop men's room for your second date...errr, meeting.

Mr. News Readin' although mildly flattered by the invitation, declined via email and thanked Mark for being a viewer. He went on to tell him that he looked forward to starting his married life in western Nebraska in just a few short months. (In my experience - no time in western Nebraska is short...)

Mr. NR was slightly freaked out, but learned a valuable lesson and our phone number will forever be unlisted.

Which is why I am totally freaked out that all last weekend I fielded phone calls from the county correctional facility from a man named, Dave.

I've said it once - and I'll say it again...sometimes it's tough being married to a man who would look better in my Old Navy lounge pants, knows what concealer is...and garners more interest from inmates than I would. Damn.

Stay tuned for Part II of our Fan Mail from Male Fans - live from the City K correctional facility and a one-on-one interview with the county sheriff's department.

When bad things happen to good News Readers.

This Inauguration coverage seemed like Spring Break for big time news readers with cushy network gigs. (When is the last time you covered a school board meeting, Campbell Brown? Exactly. Cushy.)

Unfortunately, Mr. News Readin' was stuck here in City K - keeping it real. Today he went to a rally to interview people who were watching the inauguration. On television. In a hotel.

He was displeased to say the least. Especially since a lesser talented reporter from his station scored a tag-a-long gig with a news team out of Sacramento to cover the festivities in D.C. (In the land of news, this means she probably used to sleep with the news director at that station and in order for him to avoid any legal action he is now forced to let her ride his coattails, so to speak.)

At least she didn't make this egregious decision...


Really?

Millions of American will be watching and for years will recall your coverage of this historic event. Also, probably a bright, shiny moment professionally. Surely to be in your sample reel - that your agent will shop around to get you a better gig.

And you decide to have a Blossom moment.



Where's your best friend Six when you need her?


We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Doppelgänger Alert: Barbara and Barry

It's Friday, so I'm going to keep it light.

Last night I had a nightmare that Barry Manilow was going to perform at my Game Night gathering. (For Mr. News Readin' this would have been a dream...I'm convinced he wishes my name were Mandy.)

For some strange reason, I kept calling him Barbara. Finally fed up, he screamed, "I'm not Barbara Walters!!"

What?!

Barry stormed out in all his merlot-colored velvet sportcoat glory, without signing my coveted CopaCabana t-shirt. Bastard. (True story - I attended another school's prom at the Copa. Jealous? Thought so.)

I woke up thinking - "I have got to stop eating Thai food so close to bedtime."
The second thought was, "Barry and Barbara? So, that's how they got him on the View."





What say you?

Mr. NR was totally offended, as he loves Barry and despises Barbara.


More at 11.

The Anchorman: Illustrating the differences between the Sexes

Mr. News Readin' is not known for keeping all his friends' details in order. Doesn't really update cell phone numbers, no clue as to where they reside and don't even ask the name of the new baby. For someone who should be really into the details - he's not.

Someone has learned their lesson.

Some time ago, Mr. NR's friend Zach moved to Atlanta. Changed the cell, the email address and sent an email with new contact info - all the things a responsible adult does when they move. Yay Zach! Good job.

Mr. NR did not make note of Zach's contact info.

They don't speak consistently on the phone and really only communicate via email and texts during football season. It seems Zach's old number was finally recycled by the cell phone company and was in use by a man named "Dave."

Mr. NR has unknowingly been sending texts to "Dave" about his UGA Bulldogs and other sundry former frat boy topics - drinking and sports mostly. I'm sure the errant bosom pic was also part of his communications.

The last two messages were particularly amusing.

At the start of UGA's appearance at the Capitol One Bowl, Mr. NR wrote: "It's ON."
I'm sure Dave was thinking, "What's on?"

When UGA won, Mr. NR wrote: "At least we ended things on a good note."
Dave wonders - "Did I just go through a nasty breakup on blackout mode?"

One would think "Dave" might have grown tired of Mr. NR's shenanigans. But, it took Mr. NR calling Zach / Dave and hearing the unfamiliar tone of Dave's outgoing voicemail message for the whole thing to come to light.

My guess is the whole time, "Dave" just figured it was one of his degenerate friends that changed their number and he had neglected to update.

Bottom line:
No two women would let this little anonymous texting thing go on for over a year.

Oh, and if you get an errant bosom pic from a mystery number, let me know.



More at 11.

Partying like it's 1998...literally.

Mr. News Readin' had a humdinger of a 21st birthday bash in the backyard of his parents abode, complete with a beer truck and a kick-ass band from Virginia Beach, the Right On Band.

They played everything from Motown to '70s and '80s and they put on a phenomenal show. That was 1998 and I still remember dancing my ass off and hijacking the tambourine. (Yes. I was that girl - that night.)

We saw them again recently at our college's alumni weekend aka Frat Fest. Again, great show.

Apparently someone at Fox News is also interested in dancing their ass off and hijacking a tambourine from a big bosomed, boa wearing lead singer.

They're performing at Fox's U Party 2009 hosted by Megyn Kelly (Mr. News Readin's Plan B) and Bill Hemmer (the guy CNN told "thanks for the good times" in 2005) from 10pm to 1 am tonight.

Who knew!? From a backyard, beer-drenched throwdown to the world's largest New Year's Eve celebration in Times Square in a decade. Not bad. Not bad, at all.

This makes me think that come his 40th birthday, we are more likely to secure the beer truck than the Right On Band.

Guess I'll have to bring my own tambourine.

Happy New Year from the Breaking News Team!

Developing Story: New Year's Resolutions

Mr. News Readin' is a big fan of the New Year's resolution.

He asked me two weeks ago what I was thinking mine would be this year. I responded ever so sweetly, "Seriously? I'm trying to find a free shipping code for Orvis. Go investigate resolutions elsewhere..." Sometimes timing is not his strong suit.

Anywhoodle, he brought it up again last night. The conversation went like this:

Mr. NR: "Sooo...what's your resolution this year?"

Me: "Not sure. Maybe improve my conversational Spanish*."
"And yours?"
*Attending September wedding in Jerez. Donde esta la biblioteca? Not gonna cut it.

Mr. NR: "I'm trying to remember what last year's was....oh, right! Run a marathon.**"
** He jogs occasionally. For approximately 2 miles. Maybe.

Me: (insert hearty laughing)

Mr. NR: "Damn. That one really got away from me. "

Me: "Have you run 26.2 miles collectively - as in all year long?" (insert more hearty laughing accompanied by tears)

Mr. NR: "Maybe. Probably. Hmph."

And, scene.

Not sure why I was laughing...I'm teetering on a 13 lb weight gain during 5 years of marriage. (It's not as easy as it looks, this whole maintaining girlish figure thing, thankyouverymuch.)

He has a 32 inch waist, can still fit into clothes from high school and would most definitely look better in my Old Navy lounge pants. Ugh.

After much contemplation, he climbed into bed and announced his resolution for 2009:

"I think I'm just going to refrain from drinking dark liquor on Tuesdays."

Ahhh...that's more like it.


Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

We apologize for the technical difficulties...

From Room Service Home

The Breaking News Team is back from a coastal Christmas celebration.

I had every intention of an in-law play by play for your reading pleasure, but forgot that the in-laws don't have wireless and being secluded in their computer room for hours claiming work, was not an option. (Mr. News Readin' has grown a wee bit tired of the iBook that seems to have become an appendage.) So - holiday hiatus.

Not like you didn't have other things to do. Christmas cookies - sifting through the endless Pottery Barn "It's not too late" eblasts - making five "last trips" to Target - cutting off Aunt Barbara from the Chardonnay - swearing to workout tomorrow...

I'm not Santa, but I know what you were doing.

Billable hours call, but I've got lots of great pictures of the Cloister decorated for the holidays and a sneak peak of the club house at Sea Island's newest development, Frederica.

Can't wait to share!

Oh, the winning holiday frock:



From Nordstrom. For $158.00, more reasonable than some of my other options and simple enough to get a lot of wear.

Attention Mr. News Readin'...See, I care about refraining from frivolous spending.


Hope all was Merry and Bright for your holiday celebrations!

Mrs. News Readin'

Holiday card recap

Just in case you were wondering...(Don't worry. I know you weren't.)

Being that we couldn't rustle up any children for our holiday card picture, we went in a new direction this year.

Holiday Ivy Pattern Red from Iomoi

I love most of Iomoi's design work. Fun colors - very Hollywood Regency with a preppy flair.

Have to tell you though, I was fairly disappointed in the weight of the stock. Additionally the envelopes were slightly larger than the card and were printed with a cream and brown Iomoi logo design interior. (Sort of clashed with the pattern of the card.)

If I had read the full description, I probably could have saved myself the Debbie Downer moment. Oh well. The upside is I only did a limited quantity.

Because after we snapped this beauty of Putter - there was no way she wasn't getting a photo card!

Mr. News Readin' insisted that Smug Marrieds with children were to receive the non-picture card, except for family. All others received the Shutterfly special of us and the gorgeous creature you see above. (Please do not let Sneaky Kitty know she did not make the cut for the Christmas card...she's vindictive and I like my furniture.)

Now I have an excel sheet with 120 names on two different worksheets for picture and non-picture recipients. Seriously. Because life is not complicated enough.

They made it into the mail - hand addressed, all personalized and with a stamp lovingly adhered by Mr. News Readin'. What a good elf.

My good elf has informed me that under no circumstances will we be sending a picture card without children next year.

Hmmm...That might explain all the mistletoe he's hung around the house.

More at 11.

Do it Yourself Segment with the Anchorman

When the News Readin' husband and I bought our current abode in City K, I had mixed emotions. Of course very excited about our first little house, but I was secretly terrified about maintaining it.

You see, dear reader, Mr. News Readin' is not what we call handy and well, my skill level is remedial - at best.

Recently this was called to my attention when I asked him to check the legs on a cheapy table (a holdover from his bachelor life), as the whole thing seemed to be tilting and giving me a case of vertigo.

He flipped the table over, broke out our little tool bin and rolled up his Thomas Pink sleeves. My heart fluttered watching my handi-less husband attempting handy.

Following five solid minutes of huffing and puffing through some bolt/screw tightening, he declared, "We need a special tool...something with a flat head and six sides. A regular screwdriver just doesn't fit."

I'm my infinite handy wisdom reply, "Oh, an Allen wrench. We should have a few in the bin."

"No, no. Not a wrench."

"Yes, an Allen wrench - L-shaped...you know..."

Showing rarely seen frustration - he tersely replied, "Not a damn wrench."

Hmmph. So, I dig through our bin and find two different sized Allen wrenches.

"That would work. Those are wrenches? That's ridiculous," he proclaimed.

Good gracious. We're in trouble...we just need go ahead put a handyman on retainer.

Just to review - he is a helluva News Reader, snappy dresser and patient husband. If handy is the thing I sacrificed in marrying him, I have nothing to complain about...

Noooo, I don't want a new dishwasher for Christmas. How transparent can one be!
(I just want one in general.)


In our next Do it Yourself Segment, we'll review how NOT to bankroll your plumber's boat.
Stay tuned.