This Week's "Awww...." Moment

This Week's "Awww..." Moment is brought to us by the Breaking Newsroom's resident dynamic puppy and kitty duo - Putter & Simon.


Yes, I am that kooky about my four-legged babies. And yes, that Lab looks really big. It's also an extremely unflattering angle.

What can I say? She ate her way through the holidays.

Come on. It's not like you passed on the bacon-wrapped scallops, either.

Stay tuned.

More at 11.

xoxo,

Mrs. News Readin'

The Parent of the Year Competition Heats Up

Watch out, Campbells!

There is a new grossly irresponsible adult in the running for Parent(s) of the Year.

Can we get a round of applause for the thoroughly audacious, mentally disturbed, new mom to eight preemies and six (7) year-old children - Nadya Suleman formerly Guiterrez?!

As a taxpayer, I would like to personally thank Nadya for including me in the medical miracle that are her octuplets. First for the two months she has spent on bed rest at Bellflower Medical Center and second for the $200,000 birth of her babies affectionately called, A through H.

Ms. Suleman,
It takes a special person to pursue IVF based on the following:

• being unemployed
• living with their mother (who recently declared bankruptcy)
• has SIX other children

The ASPCA wouldn't let you adopt a kitten, and yet someone thought helping you out with eight embryos was a great idea.

Being a burden to society as an adult is one thing , but forcing 14 children to be a part of your repugnant freak show is sickening and deplorable.

I am pleased to hear that you have taken the typical route for all spotlight hungry low lives - by hiring an agent and planning to support yourself by pimping your babies and your sad, pathetic story to news outlets and talk shows - oh and pursue a career as a tv childcare expert.

Absolutely! Who wouldn't take your word as gospel on parenting??!!

Nadya, dear - the sooner your story fades from our eyes and ears, we the public (who are bankrolling your little tribe), will be better off. Your children on the other hand will suffer significantly. They will never know a normal life and will one day know the truth behind their birth. What to do then, tv childcare expert? Surely you can get a group discount for 14 children in therapy.

In your acceptance speech be sure to thank the immoral and soon-to-be without a license fertility doctor who impregnated you and the 46-strong medical team at Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center, especially these three below.

Dr. Mandhir Gupta, the neonatologist who helped with the delivery and his colleague, Dr. Karen E. Maples, chief of service for obstetrics and gynecology, along with Harold Henry were all smiles discussing your "strength" and all of the dirty diapers in your future. Awww, gee.


You surely couldn't be the mother of 14 you are today without the gang at Bellflower and their media relations person, who probably sobbed with joy over the good fortune in landing your side show.

And let me thank you Ms. Suleman, for providing another shining example that even me and Mr. News Readin' could be better parents than you.

Most sincerely,

Mrs. News Readin'

This just in...for real.

LIVE from the Breaking Newsroom

Here's an update on a story we've been following for you - just filed by our on-scene reporter, Leslie Ruth with affiliate Diary of a Southern Drama Queen.


Remember these idiots? Frontrunners for Parents of the Year:

Mr. & Mrs. Campbell and little Adolph Hitler

Apparently the state of New Jersey and the Division of Youth and Family Services decided that picking your kids' names out of the best-selling book "1,001 Nazi Names for your Baby" might be the tip of the iceberg of bad judgment calls.

According to the AP, the children were removed from their home. Details have yet to be released. You can read the full story here.

Sad, sad, sad. My heart breaks for those poor children.


Thank you to Leslie Ruth for that report.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Frontrunners for Parents of the Year

We here at Breaking News (Mr. News Readin' and I) pride ourselves on being able to spot ill-equipped parents at fifty paces.

Not because we have children. To the contrary - because we don't. We recognize our lacking skill set to meet the challenges of parentdom and wish others would be equally as honest with themselves.

For example, our cat is sometimes forced to eat dog food because we forget to buy kitty food. In the parent realm that could mean our tot might have to survive on Riesling if we're out of milk.

Big Neon Sign flashing...WE SHOULD NOT PROCREATE.

Then we come across people like the Wentzs and these fine folks from New Jersey - who force their idiocy on their poor innocent children and are surprised when the world (or at least a ShopRite bakery employee) receives them coolly. Read the full story here.

Mr. & Mrs. Campbell and little Adolph Hitler

Hey, jackasses...err...I mean Mr. & Mrs. Campbell, naming your children Adolf Hitler and JoyceLynn Aryan Nation is nothing short of absolute stupidity, not to mention in the poorest of tastes. (JoyceLynn alone is criminal.)

Why not put a little more effort into your dental care and their education and a little less time using a Sharpie to put a toothbrush moustache on your 3-year-old...and forcing your small mindedness on America's future.

Oh, and nobody is buying your German descent bullsh*t. K?

But, thank you...

For renewing our confidence in the fact that even we would be better parents than you two jokers.

The Breaking News Team

Newsroom Rumblings

While the News Readin' Husband is off on a Testosterone Team Building Retreat (golf outing with fraternity brothers), I'll fill you in on the latest newsroom rumblings.

The weekend anchor is pregnant. And according to Mr. News Readin', she's been in this state "for-ev-er." Girlfriend experienced contractions the other day and was ordered to bed rest. That sucks. Poor girl. Oh and it turns out she has not been pregnant for an infinite amount of time, as reported by the NRH - and is actually 27 weeks.

Do you recall in the movie "Knocked Up" how everyone around the network was not-so-much about K. Heigel's pregnancy? That's a pretty accurate depiction of how management feels when on-air talent (and talent-less) present themselves with child.

Television news is all about consistency. Same face, same time. And that goes doubly for women. For cryin' out loud - if you want to go a shade darker or lighter with your hair color you had better consult your News Director before you do it. The last thing they want is a bunch of phone calls and emails about "not being the station I've watched for 40 years" because you decided to go with Chestnut 051 instead of your usual Chestnut 052. And they will write, call and email until you go back to chestnut 051. Promise.

Being pregnant kicks "Same face, Same time" in the a#$. You are going to look different. And the worst part - maternity leave. Being she's the weekend anchor, it's less of a big deal. Seriously...do you know Lester Holt because he's the anchor for the NBC Nightly News Weekend Edition? No. You know him because he fills in for Matt Lauer on the Today Show and he has a weird jaw/mouth thing going on...

Anywhoodle, the fill-in weekend anchor spot is like blood in the water for shark reporters who want cushy jobs behind the big desk. All of the fame and glory one could imagine achieving through local news and never having to report live from the State Fair again...

Mr. News Readin' being hard hitting political reporter, thought Management would never sacrifice him during an election year. No, not that election. We just filled 9 county commission seats. And next month, they're voting on liquor by the drink. (You think I'm kidding? We're in the South.) His journalistic prowess was needed weekdays. For sure. And besides, his main concern: missing a moment of college football. Particularly his almighty University of Georgia Bulldogs.

Oh you know what's coming...That's right gang. But have no fear! College football will not have to sacrificed in order to read the news both weekend nights. Mr. News Readin' will be off Friday and Saturday. Then on Sunday night, he'll catch us up on the ongoing interstate construction and banter with the ridiculous weatherman.

Fridays off? I say "SA-WEET!"

Guess who just took over dry cleaning, two loads of laundry and miscellaneous chores of my bidding? You guessed it. Everyone's favorite Sunday night News Reader.