And we're back. With a Mommy Mafia Update.

The Breaking News Team required a brief hiatus following some red wine fueled deep thoughts, a Homestead weekend with of our very favorite bloggers (and friends), as well as a sad event that we will get around to talking about - but not in this post.

After my introspective moment (bordering on pathetic pity party), which was very well attended by some new friends to this blog - thankyouverymuch - I needed a little bit o' the good times. And it just so happens that I had a weekend jaunt to the Grande Dame of resorts, the Homestead, planned with Sippycups and Happy Homemaker for the following weekend. What good fortune!

To make the weekend even more fabulous - I was an (invited) interloper to their Cocktail Club gathering at Sippycups lovely home. Her margaritas weren't too shabby, either. Good Lawd. Needless to say, we got a late start to the Homestead the next day.

All images courtesy of The Homestead, Hot Springs, Virginia.

Aside from the brief Shining moment walking through the Grand Hall - the three of us giggled, consumed prosecco & Pom and brie in our room until dinner. Chateaubriand and bananas foster tableside in the 1766 Grille? Oh. Hell. Yes.



In our alcohol infused fuzziness, Sippycups declared that my life plan re-think was due to the lack of minis in my life. Read: I've got too much time on my hands. Ohhh...good idea - minis, said the pumped with prosecco Mrs. News Readin'.

Not so fast, Sippycups. I'm on to you.

And it proves - yet, again - that the Mommy Mafia is an impressive network that knows no geographical boundaries. But, does have excellent taste in resorts, food and fun stuff for their friends.

Loved every minute with you Ladies...Thank you.
More at 11.

Baby Gifts: Bottoms Up

Between the inmate phone calls, being tagged 10 times to tell all my so-called friends on Facebook 25 things about me (I'm waiting to receive 25 tags before I respond), sorting Mr. News Readin's fan mail, deciding whether to do full monogram or single initial on my Snuggie, deal with dynamic of Kara the New Judge on American Idol and work - it's been a struggle to set the auto button on the coffeemaker at night - let alone think of creative baby gifts for all new arrivals of the mini-kind to the News Readin' circle of friends.

Love some babies! Especially those that will not depend on me for braces, bail, or college tuition. (Suleman octuplets excluded, of course. We are all on the hook for their bills.)

Personalized Diapers from Diapergrams are my standard baby gift, making life very easy.
They have great options for personalization and are great to work with if you wanted to create a team specific basket or even camo, for the family's newest Ducks Unlimited member.

All images courtesy of Diapergrams.com

They are also running a promotion with her personalized diaper apprentices (take that, Donald.) Mention "Diapergrams Sent You" and receive an extra dozen diapers:

www.AdorableDiapers.com
www.delightfuldiapers.com
www.dazzlingdiapers.com (this site will begin taking orders on Friday, Feb. 6th)
www.diaperscouture.com

Mr. News Readin' has on more than one occasion tried to get me to order a bushel with "Bad Ass Baby" printed on the back for his Fratty Friends' spawn. Ummm, no.

Shhh...should my resilience to the MM give way under the influence of several bottles of Rioja- if ya' know what I mean - it's how I'll tell him the big news.

Stay tuned. Up next: Big Brother and Sister gifts that will crown you Favorite Adult besides Grandma.

Calling all Marthas, Barefoot Contessas and the like...

Two things push me over the edge: packing for an extensive trip and entertaining in the casa de News Readin'.

Today I am pleading for your help with the latter.

On Friday, we are hosting the inaugural gathering of our game night group. (Yes, yes, I know - very exciting lives we lead.)

I am at a complete loss as to what to serve. My menu planning has gotten this far

Cheese Slaw with cornbread crackers
Cornbread salad
Spicy shrimp cocktail
Hot spinach artichoke dip with cracked pepper pita chips
Lemon thyme dip with vegetables
Mini roast beef sandwiches

Lemon squares
Dark chocolate brownies

Tequila Touchdown punch from Martha (See, I still need you girl!)

Is this enough for 10 people at 7:30 pm? Note: the invitation read nibbles and sips, so dinner is not expected.

Any suggestions? Do I need to add in another mini sandwich? I thought about mini pulled pork sammies.

Okay. I'm off to another baby shower armed with resilience from the wily ways of the Mommy Mafia and a set of Beatrix Potter books.

Thank you for your attention to my entertaining crisis. I need all the help I can get...

Looking forward to all your fabulous suggestions,

Mrs. News Readin'

The Mommy Mafia Strikes Again

Part II of our ongoing in-depth investigation.

The City K Mommy Mafia had been keeping a low profile since our first report. Their recruiting has slowed down significantly. (Probably because there are only a handful of us Smug Marrieds in City K who are without children.) Only once in the past two months have I gotten the pity stare for being married five years and sans enfants.

Although, I feel that may have asked for assistance outside their jurisdiction. Happy Homemaker asked me if I had any special news to share with my parents over Thanksgiving dinner and if so, she would like to be privy to such news.

I bet you would, HH. I bet you would.


On to our lead story...

Mr. News Readin' and I send out a holiday picture card every year, except last year when we did super cute Robyn Miller moving announcements. It's usually a shot of us at an event or local landmark that will amuse our loved ones and friends who enjoy life in more cosmopolitan locales.

I give you Exhibit A:




There we were living the good life in Western Nebraska. (Putter is in my arms. She was so little!)

I brought up the annual Christmas card picture selection the other night to Mr. News Readin', quickly realizing someone had already broached the subject with him.

He responded with, "We really need some kids for the Christmas card picture. Sending a picture of ourselves is getting old. We're not newlyweds."

What. the. hell. I'm not sure when the Mommies got to him, but it was obvious he was parroting the exact lines they had so skillfully planted.

"Where do you suppose we get a few for this year's card? I'm short on time."

My guess is that last week when he popped over to the Fresh Market to pick up soup for me - it all went down quickly, surrounded by Mommies in the prepared food section.

I know how it works...He's got a container of lentil soup in his cart and they swoop in and suggest the macaroni & cheese. (Their knowledge for weak spots is incredible - BEWARE.)

"I'm supposed to bring home something healthy," he says.

"Ahhh...but the macaroni & cheese has five cheeses. Think of all the calcium..." the Mommies say in hushed tones. His eyes glaze over and next thing I know he's talking about which of our spare bedrooms would make the better nursery.

Will they stop at nothing? Poor thing. He probably didn't even know what happened.

At my Junior League meeting the other night, I found out that a staunch hold out Smug Married was expecting.

"You're next," they whispered.

Was my Ginger Ale punch spiked with a cocktail of pheromones and pre-natal vitamins? I poured it out in a ficus tree by the door.

Not so fast, Mommies. I've got a wedding to attend in Spain in September. Like hell I'm showing up to that pregnant, surrounded by gorgeous Spaniards.

There will be a shower in a few weeks for the now defunct and expecting - staunch holdout. I know the drill, but I fear it's too late for Mr. News Readin'.

Now a "made man" in the ranks of the Mommy Mafia, he's talking about test driving strollers and whether we should go with Benjamin Moore Lemonade or Butter on the nursery walls.


We will continue to follow this developing story.

Update: The Mommy Mafia

Apparently, the Mommy Mafia is reading...Guess what I found in my mailbox today?

A Hanna Andersson catalog. It might as well have been a horse head in my bed.

Nice try, Ladies. But it's gonna take a little bit more than that - like two bottles of an Argentinian Malbec - and the guarantee of a really good Push Present from the NRH - to get me in your crew.

In Depth Report: The Mommy Mafia

Part I of our ongoing in-depth investigation...

Their power stretches from coast-to-coast and around the globe. They look like everyday women - but secretly they gather in small groups at Mommy's Morning Out, KinderMusic, Starbucks and stride through parks with strollers two-by-two.

D.I.N.Ks* beware. They know who you are and are persuasive in their dealings.

*Double Income No Kids

They are the Mommy Mafia.

Mr. News Readin' and I do not have children. We've got as much as we can handle with a dog and a cat and Mr. News Readin's fan mail. But, we are looking into it. I'll keep you posted.

In our previous stop (the City in Two States) the Mommy Mafia was in full effect. These chicks were smart. Marry young, have two kids and let's close-up that Candy Store. They worked out, lunched, made the cocktail party circuit and always had a babysitter. They made it look easy...and they drew you into the fold ever so gently. In la Cosa Nostra, you are brought into the ranks during a ritual that includes pricking the index finger and spilling blood onto a sacred image, usually of a saint. (Did I mention I'm Italian...) For the Mommy Mafia, this rite is known as a Baby Shower.

If you are married and childless at a baby shower, you are most definitely in the minority and a guest with a bullseye on your back. The Mommy Mafia plans these events to showcase the tiny, sweet, things that you too - can have stacked to the ceilings. They'll even try to appeal to your husband with baby monitors, reminding him of his walkie-talkie days.

Ohhhh....you start thinking about Orient Expressed, Just Ducky and the baby section of the Pottery Barn Kids catalog (one might ask why I even get that catalog? Hmmmm...) and you start wishing that you didn't have to wait 9 months to have a baby of your very own. Then the Mafia makes a slip-up. Someone mentions a "mucuos plug."

Say what??!! And justthatfast - you have escaped their grips.

The crew that runs City K ,where we currently reside, is brutal and rivals only the Russian mob in their ruthlessness. If you have a child, we can protect you - we can keep you under our watchful eye, they say. Remain a D.I.N.K and we can offer you nothing but pity. But unlike the Russian mob, who convene in the mist-filled tiled rooms of Lower East Side bathhouses, these Mommies congregate and solicit membership at my monthly Junior League meetings. And it seems they have gotten to Mr. News Readin'.

While out strolling with our four-legged baby named Putter, Mr. News Readin' busts out with, "You know I've been thinking about insert double family name and I really like it."

Hold the freakin' phone. Since when does he even know our family names and how did he know to put the two together?! I knew immediately - they were on to me. Then...the first invitation to a City K Baby Shower arrived. These Mommies were not be underestimated.

So, I'm heading to their Baby Shower tomorrow. But, I'm ready...and I think there is still a chance that Mr. News Readin' has not totally been initiated.

When picking out the Baby Bjorn for the mommy-to-be, he wanted to know who the guy was on the box because it wasn't Björn Borg.

Whew! That was close...