Facebook: Making friends you never wanted

Let me preface this all by saying, I'm all for a good time suck during the work day. And Facebook, takes the the time suck to a whole new level. Yay.

However, Facebook is not all happy, swell meadows of wasted time.

There are the moment-to-moment updates (Kelly is tired today. Really? Me too. Grab a Diet Coke and move it along. No one cares if you are sleepy...), supporting a lackluster cause (Save Pushing Daisies 2008-2009) and the worst...forced friendships via the virtual class reunion.

I understand the need for people to feel liked by having 343 friends. But here's the deal...I'll be your friend - but keep it simple. Confirm or decline. Got it?

We'll both benefit number-wise and who knows maybe I'll be able to reconnect with my high school boyfriend - (who is definitely still listening to the Pearl Jam song, Black pining for me) - because he's friends with your college roommate.

That is how Facebook is supposed to work.

Here's what it's not for...actually trying to become friends with someone. Yes, I am talking to you random same college as myself attendee - not to mention opposing sorority member.

"Hey how are you? What have you been doing for the last 9 years?"

1. I'm fine. Really, really well. My mood took a dip when I thought I was going to actually have to write you back, but I've rebounded nicely from that little downturn.

2. Nine years? Way to rub in the fact that my Bids Day shirt is old enough to be a 5th grader and wearing lacrosse shorts makes me a slob - no longer sporty and cute. (BTW- hell yes, I'm still sporty and cute. The uniform has morphed slightly.)

3. We had four years to be friends. And as my parents stated when they dropped me off in August of my freshmen year, "If you don't do it in four years, it's no longer our problem." Followed by, "Call and let us know when graduation is, because that's when we'll be back." (Love you, Mom & Dad.)

At this point in my life I'm looking to unload a few friends, certainly not take on stragglers.

Do I look like Angelina Jolie?
Didn't think so.

So, in as much as I enjoy getting friend requests and the occasional profile photo update notification (why are people obsessed with putting partial face pics up?! We know what you look like - no need to get all artsy...) please don't try and forge a legitimate friendship with me through the equivalent of bumping into each other at the name tag table.

Thanks.
Mrs. News Readin'

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.