Thursday, October 30, 2008

Halloween Tricks & Tramps

Less than 12 hours until perfectly normal, successful women trade in all traces of decency and slut-it-up in the name of everyone's favorite pagan holdover, Halloween!

You go girl. Way to set the women's movement back 15 years - all for three hours of glory in a naughty nurse costume.

The first year we lived in the City in Two States, we attended a Junior League Halloween fĂȘte at the country club. I thought this would be a fun, festive event where drinks would be enjoyed while an 80's cover band entertained the crowd. Being new to town, I imagined this would a pretty tame party.

Instead we encountered Playboy bunnies, french maids, skanky Pocahontas's (one being the league president), naughty nurses galore and hundreds of jello shots.

And as the jello shots disappeared, boobs appeared. We saw more asses than Yankee Stadium in late October.

These women had children and sent out super cute Whitney English Christmas cards. Attorneys, teachers and drug reps (well, no one was surprised about the drug reps...) hanging out of cheap costumes and keeping careful watch for open flames.

And we wag our fingers at Britney...puh-lease.

In honor of those who want to use Halloween as the excuse to singlehandedly bring sexy back, here are Mrs. News Readin's top picks for Tricks & Tramps:

Take two of these and call me in the morning.

You're going to need a sweater.

No concealed weapons here.

Pirate wench...because the kids are totally into Pirates of the Caribbean.

Does Raggedy Andy know you're out dressed like that?

Mr. News Readin' wanted to know which one I'm wearing to a Halloween party Saturday night:

Sexy pilgrim. 'Cause that's how I roll. Chaste.

Edited to Note:
It has been suggested that I am coming across prudish - which I'm not. All I'm saying is if you're asking me where I go to church on Sundays and how volunteering, carpooling and running marathons are putting the squeeze on gourmet meal-making BUT are dressed like I should be stuffing dollar bills in your pants (if you're even wearing pants...) there is something seriously wrong.


Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Ahhh, Halloween, the Vegas of holidays. Saw your comment somewhere and wanted to pop by and say hello. Happy Halloween!

Mrs. Limestone said...

I really don't get why all of the store bought costumes are so skanky! For one, most women do not look good in hooker wear. Secondly, Halloween is in October and most climates require protected skin when the tempature dips. Why isn't there a company that makes flattering costumes for women who don't really want to expose all?

The Mrs. said...

It is horrifying!!! Color me a prude as well. I hate it! I cannot believe that Jr. League party! Tramp central!!! LOL.

Happy Homemaker said...

Well said! (Of course this IS coming from a labelled prude)

You can borrow my Minnie Mouse costume next year- complete with big yellow mary jane shoes!