A month or so ago, on my way to a client meeting, I had areallyclose brush with the Great Outdoors.
Getting to this client is a total nightmare and the roads are always clogged with tourists (of the worst kind...) during summer and fall. Along these roads I've seen wild turkeys and deer, but I have always been incredulous when people talk about their bear sightings. I've spent a lot of time at their mountain locale and never - not once - have I spotted a bear.
I'm driving along jammin' to Leona Lewis when traffic comes to a complete halt in a wooded area. As we start edging forward, people began pulling off the road and walking.
What the hell!?
And there it was...a bear cub on the side of the road.
Before you say, "Awwwww" let me tell you the above pictured cub is not the cub I saw. (You'll know why I had to improvise in a moment...) Regardless, still pretty freakin' cute.
None of my Crew back in NYC were going to believe this. I needed photographic evidence. Inching forward, I rolled down my window to use the old cell to catch a pic of the little guy. (He was actually the size of a standard poodle.) Just as I am perched to catch him for eternity - he decides to be brazen and head right up to the car door.
Maybe he smelled Putter's leftover doggie day camp treats? Or maybe he'd gotten a whiff of my Jo Malone French Lime Blossom? (It is pretty yummy.) Either way - he could easily get in my car...This is bad. Real bad.
I am not equipped to operate cell camera, refrain from running over cute cub, make my meeting on time and remain composed while wearing 3 inch heels.
I'm a New Yorker for crying out loud...the closest I've ever come to a Bear is a weekend in Chicago! So, I decided this photo op would have to be sacrificed in order to not have a cub in the 4-Runner.
As I drove away, swarms of people were getting out of their cars with children in tow (!) to get a glimpse of a real live bear. I know...you are probably thinking - well, you're just as bad. In my defense, I didn't leave my vehicle and at least I didn't have the grandkids with me.
What they failed to consider is where there is cub, there is most definitely a mama. And mama ain't afraid to throw down with your super duper white sneaker wearing, Branson, Missouri t-shirt sporting, pancake house eating, tourist a$%. She doesn't get a kick back from the Department of Tourism and Convention Center.
So remember..safety never takes a holiday...even if you've just finished your 19th successful tour of duty at GoKart Buffet Bonanza. Okay, Tourists?
When I called Mr. News Readin' to tell him about my bear encounter he responded with,
"Call me back if it attacks."
At least he hasn't become jaded.
3 hours ago