Wednesday, January 14, 2009

En Route: The Apocalypse

Every time I feel like we are making strides towards bettering America (Scrubs getting picked up by ABC) something else presents that makes me say, "Oh, well. Better get a mani/pedi before I have to reconcile my poor decisions with a higher power."

I experienced that moment when I caught a promo of this new show on WE:

Little Miss Perfect

About the Show: "Little Miss Perfect is a journey into the world of children's pageants. Each episode follows two families as they practice and primp—all leading up to the stress and joy of competing for the title Little Miss Perfect. Featuring Michael Galanes, national pageant director for more than 10 years."

Nauseated yet? It gets worse. The premiere episode sounds like a real nail biter - a hairsprayed to the hilt, more makeup than a South Beach trannie - nail biter.**

(Nothing but normal here...)

"Brandi Jean has just come off a big win, but this 9-year-old beauty queen already has her sights on the next crown. At age 8, Ashley is a pageant veteran and the reigning Little Miss Citrus. In this episode, the girls will face off on a crowded Orlando stage. Pageant mom Jean is hoping a Marilyn Monroe-inspired number will help Brandi "wow" the judges, while pageant mom Tina decides that Ashley should go "big" and creates a brand new routine with only 3 days left before the pageant–leading to late nights and last-minute stress The $1,000 prize is up for grabs and the pressure’s on... Who will win the coveted title of Little Miss Perfect?"

What could be worse than pitting two elementary-aged girls against eachother to the tune of "It's Raining Men"? It can't get worse...can it?

Yes, dear reader. It can get much worse.

Meet the Pageant Director, Michael Galanes. From his bio page:

"Michael is a graduate of Providence College, Providence, RI and quickly moved to Orlando, Fla. to work with whom else, but princesses at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom! Michael performed as a face character in parades and shows throughout the park. He worked as a model throughout the world with Pro Model Management in Athens, Greece. No stranger to beauty, Michael served as a state director for Miss Vermont USA/Teen USA, NBC/Donald Trump Productions."

What the hell is a "face character"?? And model. Storied career. Oh, and I'm going to go on record saying that Mr. Galanes is very much a stranger to beauty.

Sadly, I wish I could say I were a stranger to this sign of the approaching Apocalypse.
It premieres February 18 at 10 pm.

**Before you send me a bunch of hate mail about how pageants provide excellent scholarship opportunities and inspire strength and confidence in girls and young women - just save it. It's your child and you can manage your role as parent as you see fit. But, this is my blog and I can wax sanctimonious, as I see fit.


a. @ coterie said...

Does anyone remember the HBO documentary "Living Dolls"???? Facinating but really heartbreaking to watch these little girls so made up and the parents that push them to do it. I love when the parents say "but she wants to do it!" Yeah, ok!

News Readin' Wife said...

It's exactly what I thought about, A.

The mothers are repulsive. If you think your child has talent - put them in dance school, community theatre, a children's choir maybe??

Dressing her up in a two-piece Carmen Miranda costume so she she can shake it for a bunch of pedophiles while singing "Chiquita Banana"...sounds like everything you are NOT supposed to do to your child.

I would be interested to hear from a former baby pageant contestant for their take.

(And no offense - but why do they all seem to hail from Florida??)

a. @ coterie said...

It seems to be a very Southern thing, Florida in particular.

I also neglected to mention that my brother's wife was a one time Miss Teen NJ. She did it for the scholarship money ;-)

PaperCourt said...

It's disguting! In Florida's defense, I grew up in Sarasota and never saw such nonsense. I did, however, see it when I went to college in GA.

Legallyblondemel said...

Has NO ONE watched "Little Miss Sunshine"?? Perhaps that excellent film should be mandatory for pageants entrants or something. And I though Hilary Duff starring as child prodigy attorney was awful . ..

leslie ruth said...

I recently moved from (aka: escaped) a small town in Texas and, believe me, you have never seen more big haired, spray tanned little girls than the Lone Star State.

Also, thought you would find this interesting in light of one of your previous posts:

thepreppyprincess said...

I cannot believe this is actually going to be on teevee. Unbelievable. Back when I was in teevee news I actually had us do this as a piece for sweeps. In two different markets. In one market it was almost a puff piece because the reporter was a former pageant person. Seriously.

Too gross.

The Doctor's Wife said...

Seriously. When are you going to write a book? I think I just blew my G and T out my nose.

I'm going on pretty good authority (let's just say I'm GOOD at picking out trannies) that Mr. Pageant Host is a former female pageant reject turned power hungry man beeotch. Has anyone done a mammal toe check during his opening number? You just KNOW that much wannabe hotness is wearing some spandex.

Kim said...

Things like this make me so thankful I have boys. Those girls look 35. And that man is CREEPY!

Mom on the Run said...

I keep seeing this ad (yeah, you caught me, I'm watching Bridezillas) and it nauseates me -- what's wrong with these parents? In my parenting life I've dealt with some psycho ballet and cheerleading moms and freak baseball dads, but these women...they take the cake.

Sick, sick, sick.

Pat said...

Children should be children. Why parade one's daughter on stage in fake hair, a garish outfit that could feed a poor person for weeks, fake nails, and, in some cases even fake teeth?? Why not just let one's daughter be a kid instead of lugging them from one place to another to be judged against other little girls in fake hair, fake nails, fake teeth, etc.